well...let's just say im ready to hurt you....alot! haha

ok sorry..umm...wow..this fic is so...it's kinda...ok i cant put my thoughts into words at the moment...ok..umm...it seems kinda like it's true...like based on real life u know? god i honestly hope mike doesnt feel like this..but now everytime i see an interview or somehting im going to think about this fic..there are few fics that have this kind of impact on me..this is one of them..and it seems like ONLY your fics seem to make me feel this way...just like "i put my trust in you" it's so REAL! that's probabbly why i cried when i read it! hahaha

anywais..favourite quotes:

"Hi, I’m Mike Shinoda, and I am molded of nothing but complete and wholesome constants." *tear sniff*

"I was too busy devoting myself to an art i failed to see beauty in" another tear...this is making me really depressed now..but jesus your writing is amazing! i wish i had your brain..ok im gonna leave u alone now!

Congrats on scarring me for life....again! XD

take care!

-MarZ

Now it's time for the real review. First let me say that I love you with all my heart and I hope none of the ridiculous things I said in my last joke of a review will ever find their way into your unconscious beliefs, because not one of them was remotely true.

Wow, it's taken me a long time to leave you a review for this, and yet the story has been stuck in my mind since the first time I read it. Especially just how disillusioned and lost Mike is in this story. I want to feel sorry for him, but truthfully it's hard to because it seems that all the things he's unhappy about are things he's inflicted on himself. The results of choices and compromises he's made, however unhappily, they're still his choices. And ultimately, that's exactly what I ended up empathizing with the most - his tragically flawed humanity.

This is actually a brilliant character study that masquerades as a simple moment of embittered reflection. Each flashback could seem unimportant on its own, but you've shown that the sum of the parts has added up to the whole of a man that's nearly beyond the brink of salvation. Nearly, I say, because there is a tiny thread of optimism that runs through this story. He's finally reached the point where he can look at himself clearly and without bias, or at least, with a different bias, perhaps, and admit that what he's doing is based on lies. Lies to himself, lies to his friends, lies to the world. I see it as optimistic in that, despite the fact he's apparently running away, he's also truly searching for answers, and he hasn't given up. He's still there, with his notebook, trying to write, and trying to make sense of the empty shell his life has become. It's a start.

Structurally a mess? Not likely. You've pieced the two timelines together seamlessly, and we discover, with Mike, how each past event has led to his inevitable cynicism as he realizes that he's forgotten or corrupted every dream he ever had. His inner dialogue with himself comes across as both pathetically bitter and devastatingly accurate when he realizes that he hasn't written anything with personal resonance in years - he's focused himself so fully around Chester that he probably half believes that he's the one that's had the fucked up past. Of course there's no magical melding of two people into a perfect whole, but it seems like that's what Mike has convinced himself is necessary in order to be able to write with Chester. How sad, because if he could just be honest he'd probably realize that it's the contrasts between them that make their relationship work just as much as any supposed similarities.

Everything about the way you've portrayed Mike here rings of something true. We'll likely never know if he feels anything like this, but you've made a compelling argument here. I can't help but wonder what he'd think if he read this.

It's amazing to come back to the fandom after so long away, and click to my favorite authors, and find a new piece by you. This one was absolutely stunning, not that I'd ever expected anything less from you, darling. I loved it loved it loved it...the emotion and heartbreak was something that any writer is used to, but doing it without focusing on the loss of a boyfriend or such is sometimes harder to do - you pull it off. Mike's only lover here is his art, and the loss broke him. You love a broken Mike, and I can see why - your broken Mike is more beautiful than anyone else's complete one.

Oh Christ Red, a structural mess? Could you honestly go that far and say that? Holy fuck, I'd be happy if I could write something half as decent as this. A mess....yeah right. You're delusional, dear.

You touched on a couple interesting bases that I've been thinking about as of late, and I thought it was unique how you portrayed Mike. Figures, that is. You're a true MAW. Once I get around that, I thought it was absolutely amazing how well you degraded him and made him look like the worthless piece of shit in the band. Amazing. Simply amazing. This story actually made me ponder his feelings. Has he ever actually thought like that?, I asked myself whilst reading this masterpiece. I mean, it would be hard being a co-frontman next to someone like Chester, who can take away the breath of an audience with one scream.

Wow. You really made me think, and I'd like to thank you for that. Now I'm off to ponder this, and lose a teensy bit of sleep over it. :P

~Ashley

How is it that it's always you who seems to bring out so many emotions in me at the same time. There's joy, surprise, admiration, disbelief, and a whole jumble of other things that I'm sure are more words than thoughts. However, I am a writer, and as one one of the skills of a writer is to take one's thoughts, organize them, and put them to paper to address their audience; so let's start.

First off, I just want to say welcome back. Considering that you'd always welcome me back whenever I decided to pop up, I figured the gesture was long overdue. I only regret that I wasn't the first, but then again it takes time for people to put thought in what they're trying to say.

Though I'm sure others have already told you how overwhelmed they were that you were writing again, I know that I feel a since of joy simply because I was beginning to think everyone was leaving. I only just started writing again myself a few weeks ago, but it had felt weird to be posting again on this site when so much had changed.

So that's where the joy and surprise came from when I saw your new story. Since everyone had started getting into so many heated discussion about how bad the site had gotten or how much it had changed, I just thought that it was going to get to the point where all the authors I knew were just going to leave. Believe me, when you've just suddenly found the inspiration to write again and none of the people you've come to know on some level, if any, have just gone and disappeared, it can leave you feeling pretty depressed.

But you're back and, though I'm not surprised, again wrote a story that did it's job; told a story. And this was nice; it was story that people could see happening in response to the current events surrounding Linkin Park, or at least some of the questions that we've thought of over the years.

Emotional Mike angst, which I have always favored better simply because it affects a person more by what they do to themselves than by what others do. Abstract writing it always harder than concrete.

I like how you explained the development of Mike's character and how he came to be with Linkin Park. How he started out in the beginning for Hip Hop and staying true to himself and now how, though in a different genre, he's still come to be all of the people that he tried to go against. I also liked how you told of his writing style; how he may never have had a bad childhood; especially not one like Chester's. You can really see him feeling pressured to come up with lyrics like that; knowing that he can't relate to what he's never experienced. I'm not saying that there isn't pain in Mike's life that happened before Linkin Park, and believe me, I don't like to think about the what if's and nots that do surround his life. It's too depressing. But I do know that I liked how your story brought light to one of the many ways his life could be with Linkin Park.

It was an excellent way to come back, and I know I can't wait for more. If anything, this might be just the fuel I need to start getting back into reviewing all of the stories I'm so far behind in, but I decided I'd start off with this first since it was so fresh in my head. Hope you didn't mind the essay though. Like I said in the beginning, it takes time for a writer to put their thoughts to paper, and in this case, a simple welcome back, I liked your story, hope you'll continue to write others just didn't seem to do. But hopefully if there is anything that was understandable from this, it "was" that I had wanted to say hi, I liked your story, and I hope that this means you'll continue to write more. If you wanted the simple version. ^___^

wow, that was a great story. i dont kno wut else 2 say besides wow. lol i loved it!

i'm probably echoing the excitement of seeing you posting fic again, but it didn't half make me glad to see you about again :)

i really loved this, i'm a sucker for standalones lately and this is now added itself to my collection of good little pieces :)

to me it spoke of mike being smothered; by his work, by his bandmates (mainly chester), by a feeing of wanting to belong,yet failing to do so.

i loved the way it switched between jaded memories and his present self in Mexico - such a simple yet interesting idea of mike running away, almost like a final attempt, his escape, his chance to be himself.

like halina said, this is a change from your usual mike angst, but i still utterly enjoyed it. there was something quiet about it, something sullen that reflected in the words, in mike's thoughts and the sad truth of his life. i've felt that feeling before, of the realness of myself getting hidden beneath the people around me, least that's what i felt mike was feeling.

favourite line that seemed to sum everything up? 'Isn’t it amazing how I kept the train running when I wasn’t even on it?' i loved that. hope to read more from you sometime soon :)

Wow, could you picture my shock when I come onto the front page and see your name. A double take and a flood of relief later I open the story probably knowing that i'd like it. Understand much, I loved it. And can you say much more different to your usual Mike angst fics which usually involve something physical like piercings, rapings, beats with batons or something to that affect.

So firstly, the structure, this whole flipping back and forth to reminiscent views of his role in the band to the current reality check of where he is now, somewhere in Mexico. It's almost like a movie, as Mike looks back on his life in the band and realizes it's potentially a big lie and his involvement and his jobs in it only appear to be big and meaningful. “Hi, I’m Mike Shinoda, and I am molded of nothing but complete and wholesome constants.” I like that sentence, a summary of how he perceives himself.

There are so many things which make Mike see himself and the band in a negative light. One being the whole repetitive chore, the lack of ingenuity and originality surroundings the questions asked to him and the answers he gives back; like you wrote, the interviews seem rehearsed and the writing seems like a chore. Which leads nicely onto why he feels that...because he met Chester and Chester has the experience and knowledge that Mike could never experience. It’s something I’ve always believed—that Mike feels slightly put down by the fact Chester has gone through so much more than him and his lyrics feel so much more vague and simplistic. The fact that his band has turned rock as well, I love this new twist you’ve made that Brad made him go to rock concerts and tried to get him into it. He does so much for the band but he really, it doesn’t feel like anything.

And I also love this reference that he seems to have run away and abandoned responsibility of the band by going to Mexico (plus this confused waitress who believes he is actually Mexican, not the first time I’ve read that, either). He’s trying to find this new life although you’ve left it open as to whether this is a cleansing voyage or if he’s really left all together. Needless to say, I’m glad you’re writing again, I hope this less that structured review has proved that.

*thinks - what would Red say?*

Voted off? I wasn't gonna even waste my time addressing that comment but thought I should breifly mention that you wont be you wont be. Not that it's completly my decision, but anyone that nominates anything you write for deletion seriously needs their heads checked!

So my reveiw: I loved it. It's nice to see something from Mike's POV that isn't 'I'm so in love with Chester, what will I do?'. It was refreshing to read something that took everything we know about Mike and turned it so his passion for Linkin Park music is all an act.

I hope to read more from you again soon

*have gummibears*

Bec

xx

Me likey. *winks*

And to finish that statement, me likey how you portrayed teh Miketh, it was different from anything I've read, and that's definately not something too common.

I hearted it, dahling! You should write more... *glares at your user page*

You're writing again! This is so timely. With us finding out that Mike is working on a solo record, this really made me think. And, damn, do you have him pegged? Loved it. And, I don't think it's a structural mess either. It flowed rather nicely, it unfolded in a natural way, and the intro and conclusion really tied it all together. I love how you revealed that he was in Mexico. I think that's the funniest thing in the world-- People thinking he's Mexican. Anyway, I'm so glad you posted something. I've missed your style so much. And, can I just say that with this I can see definite growth in your style from some of your earlier work. Not that that was bad, because, just look at my favorites list. But you've evolved in a really cool way and I hope this is just a precursor to a flood of new writings from you. ::crosses fingers:: And maybe updates to old ones?

that was really good. ^^

This is awesome. I really like the words you used, they weren't just "regular" words that a lot of authors on here use. They were really descriptive, I could imagine myself in his shoes. Amazingly done.

i love it so far. the plot lone is definitely intriguing me. very good start, please continue..

It's so sad........... : 0 ( *cries*

What a pleasant suprise to check on the site and find this. I think it was brilliant and very real to make Mike compare his life with Chester's. And that at first it didn't matter until the writing process starts again.

When I was working in a record company we had that band there for a live gig, and they weren't bad but my boss at time always said: If you don't know about what you are singing people will notice.

Of course it gets especially interesting when you find yourself face to face with someone who really went through all that.

You portrayed Mike wonderful. His lament and his frustration made him very sympathic (well, for me that is).

And no I'm not going to say 'update' but I will say it's nice to come here and find that!

bibi