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A cold morning by hattu

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From: radical_rainbow

Date: 2010-04-28

Chapter: 1

Oh Mike, you silly cunt. I liked this, nice and bitter. I do like a bitter Rob. And I liked how the weather kind of fitted the plot, it set the scene a lot.

The length was good, it was a happy medium; not too long so it drags, but it wasn't too short-There was still feelings and thoughts in it.

nice!

From: Trash.

Date: 2010-04-27

Chapter: 1

It was sad! Normally I'd not pick but you asked for comments so...there were a few things. Every line starts with 'Rob...' which I thought was a bit repetitive.


There was also a lot of tense changes. [Rob tiptoed towards the patio door and opens it quietly] That should either be Rob tiptoed...opened it. Or, Rob tiptoes...opens it. You do this a few times.


If you get a friend or someone to read this through before you post it then they'll spot these little things.


Other than that though the story was so sad =( Poor Rob. It pissed me off that Mike left with no explanation. What a dick. I hope he gets hit by a bus on his way out.

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