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him by Porcupine

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From: Bird Girl

Date: 2017-07-24

Chapter: 12

This was extremely emotional. I haven't really gone on this site in a long time but I wanted to see what had become of it or what would become of it in light of recent events. I'm very glad you wrote this. It's emotional and beautiful and portrays the very essence of grief and longing. Thank you for writing this

From: ::~

Date: 2014-06-28

Chapter: 11

*write, I misspelt it as right, sorry

From: ::~

Date: 2014-06-28

Chapter: 11

I feel momentarily speechless at this point... And my eyes are simply burning with tears as I try to decide what I want to say, and how I want to say it. It's always been known that there is a beauty in grief, in misery, in sadness, and I am sure, all of us have been through that, but this is the first time I have seen such a clear, stark, yet simple depiction of it. Every little thing you right, so unrelated to context, fills up every space and crack of your sentences that can be written only by a person with a perspective and attentiveness as deep as yours. The emotion hits heart so hard, sometimes I shake reading your words. It's like I can see him, or I am him, I feel like him, experiencing the nothingness of everything, and the meaninglessness. I cried at the last part of the last chapter, knowing the desperation and almost crazy insanity, a gullible bubble of disbelief that keeps making you do what you know you shouldn't... only because you're so torn apart that even doing the right thing could never sew you together again. I'm beyond words at your understanding of the human psychosis, what it goes through, and what it remembers during times of misery. Yet it sees the lighter side of things, though its eyes are shrouded with a blanket that can only get denser in self-wallowing... it's like seeing light as darkness approaches, and not following it. You keep seeing it, as the night progresses on, till it takes over, leaving only a flicker, then a glow, and then it's gone. Thank you... I've said it before, but I say it again. Thank you for writing this, I can't even say how much this affects me, because it does. It makes me think, it stays on my mind, and it makes me want to reach out to a character that only exists in the lines of your work. Thank you so much, and thank you for your replies to my reviews. I am sorry for the lateness of this review, but you know I was away. Please update this soon, it is such a shame that only a few people read this; I will definitely give you a shoutout when I update my stories. Thank you, Rachel, once again, and take care. Cheers.

From: Emma Shinoda

Date: 2014-06-26

Chapter: 11

Your chapters always make me really emotional because of the sorrow, but this one was on a different level entirely. I got chills at the part where he was looking over the cliff. He was saved by another's hand, but there was no one there with him. Must've been fate trying to tell him something. I thought it was so real, but then it was all a dream. You're very good at blending reality with dreams and imaginary things, so I always have to question in the back of my mind what's real and what isn't.


And then, the last half of the chapter. Him actually stealing Chester from the mortuary. I couldn't believe he actually did that, it was so strange but I couldn't fault him. He just couldn't let go, and it made him do crazy things...The preacher, I really do wonder what he said? What kind of pain he must've seen in Mike's face to let him leave with Chester's body. Just imagining it makes me want to cry... And last of all, Mike holding Chester in his garden, talking to him, convincing himself each day that he'll finish burying him tomorrow. God, I don't even have words for how heartbreaking that is, I just... Wow, it left me speechless. This chapter was soul crushingly beautiful, if that makes any sense. I think I'm going to go back and read it again now.

From: wz

Date: 2014-06-23

Chapter: 11

I kind of need to take my time before starting to read your new chapter, because it reminds me of someone who died I'm still not over with. It's every time more poetic, but each part kills me, you have me in tears again. This is endless sorrow. Begging. It won't stop

From: Emma Shinoda

Date: 2014-06-17

Chapter: 9

So incredibly sorry for the late review, I just haven't had much time to sit down and read properly. But of course I will stick around to read and review, because your story is pure genius. The way you describe his pain and insanity hits me in all the right places to make me want to cry for him. It seems he's sinking even deeper now, that he can't even keep the concept of time in focus, and he's starting to lose track of how long it's been. I guess it really doesn't matter, since he's still hurting just as much as the day he lost Chester. His musings about death really stood out to me, especially the last line, "I wonder why he didn't invite me." I've thought those same thoughts countless times, so that really tugged at my emotions to see them coming from Mike. And then the last paragraph, of him spinning around all the lights, and laughing from the high it gives. But it doesn't last, of course, and then he comes crashing down into reality again. So relateable to me that it almost physically hurts. I wanted to cry there, I just feel for him so much, I don't know if I've ever felt so strongly for a character in a story before. Just beautifully done, my dear. Thank you so much for posting this story for us to read, and keep writing :) I'm really looking forward to your next update!

From: wz

Date: 2014-06-15

Chapter: 9

He seems to be having hallucinations by now and mixing them together with his past memories about death. It always hurts to see an update on his sicker conditions. I also wonder how and why the watch stopped, that creeped me out. He looks like coming out of a mental hospital. And that's what losing someone feels like, anyway.

From: Emma Shinoda

Date: 2014-06-05

Chapter: 8

Wow, I have so much empathy and understanding for what Mike is going through. Most people would probably say that it'd be easier if he just moved on, but how can you just "move on" from something that was so incredibly important in your life? It's almost as if, moving on would be like forgetting. Like admitting that maybe it wasn't as important as you thought it was, and I think that would feel worse. My jaw dropped at the scene where he saw Chester standing in the doorway, and had to remind him that they need to get used to being apart. It was heartbreaking, but the words carry so much inner strength in them. And of course the ending got me, it's amazing that even after more than a year of Chester being gone, Mike can still hear his voice with perfect clarity. I almost cried at the last line, Chester always saying that he needs to leave, but Mike needs him to stay. Ahhh, it's just so heartbreaking, I wish someone or something would come along to save Mike from this torture... Really beautiful chapter as always, update soon!

From: ::~

Date: 2014-06-04

Chapter: 8

Would you let me save this story in my hard drive? It's probably the only one up till now that I have read that has made me literally quake in my chair. Your detailing, your observations, they're breath-taking and so near, yet, yet with that same nostalgia that seems to connect every irrelevant sentence with a unity that is startling. My favourite part was the flashback of him being a 12 year old kid, and wrapping his fingers around the tag of the pillow... Do you realise how deep your insight is? I doubt anyone else would have thought to write that, but that sentence speaks so much... Like a hand looking for company in a moment of peaceful loneliness, because we're always looking for something to hold. This is beautiful, articulated stunningly and so well written. I can't get enough of it. I got goosebumps at the part where he's standing in the grocery store and then falls, hearing him around him... But calling him all the same. You're talented beyond measure, and you've given me new ways to empathise with reality around me, which according to me, is the biggest gift a writer can give to a reader. Thank you for this, and sorry to keep you waiting for a review. I'm caught up in too much work. Take care, and keep the updates coming, I always read them.

From: ::~

Date: 2014-06-02

Chapter: 8

I am so, so, so, so extremely sorry for this incredibly late review; I was really caught up with work, and had to take out time to finish it all and then set a night where I could read this work of art and be blown away as always. How do you write so well? I'm mesmerized; it's like someone has held my hand and led me down a memory lane I never remembered. The amount of emotion that I can relate to in this story is uncanny, though I swear I could have ever felt it in my life... You have a way with words that's so stark, honest and stunning; you don't need myriad descriptions or anything, it's just plain poetry that flows from your fingertips. I'm crying as I write this, and by far, the most amazing part in this whole chapter was the moment shared with the little girl who tried to catch the water but couldn't, and wouldn't take no for an answer. In many ways, we all are like that, but it's our relentless obstinacy to hold on to what can't be possible that gives us life, and in the end, makes it possible in a way we could have never dreamt of. Thank you, thank you so much, just for this, just for you and your work, thank you. This is brilliant, it's way beyond beautiful, it's probably one of the best things I have ever read. Cheers, and please update soon! I will be here, waiting as ever.

From: Emma Shinoda

Date: 2014-05-28

Chapter: 6

The scene with the look shared between Mike and the little girl...it's just so genius, I don't even know what to say. Seriously, where do all these beautiful thoughts and analogies come from? They fit the story so perfectly, and Mike is such an intelligent person, yet even with all the intelligence he has, grief overwhelms him and confuses all logic. It's so sad that he just seems even more consumed as time passes, instead of gradually recovering. I'm hoping he will be able to pull himself out of the mess he's created for himself before it's too late, because his sadness breaks my heart. Really looking forward to the next chapter <3

From: Emma Shinoda

Date: 2014-05-26

Chapter: 6

Wow, I loved your personification of death... It really is powerful, and moving. I can absolutely tell that this story runs deeper than creativity, it does seem to come from real feelings and experiences. I'm so sorry for the hardships you've endured, but the positive from it is that you've been able to translate it into gorgeous writing and move people from all over the world. Really, this story is so amazing, I'm blown away with each chapter.

From: Crimson

Date: 2014-05-26

Chapter: 6

Aw Mike is slipping so fast into this terrible world. Don't let it get to you, Mike. I hope he'll try to fight to clear his head and try to live on near normally but grief is very strong. I hope he can recover soon!

From: wz

Date: 2014-05-26

Chapter: 6

That was so terribly confusing.. I want Mike to get better and recover from the nightmare

From: NatalyT

Date: 2014-05-23

Chapter: 4

so sad I cant believe he left mike!

From: Crimson

Date: 2014-05-23

Chapter: 4

Agh I'm so sorry I haven't reviewed! This story is just so deep and so realistic on so many levels. It touches me and the part about death really got me. It really is true that when no one else is there, death is. It's a haunting fact, but reality is pretty cruel anyway. It's so sad that the character is probably damaging themselves by holding on so tight, but I couldn't blame him. When you have someone so special be taken away, it's so hard to forget. Nearly impossible. I just wanted to say that you are doing an amazing job with this and how you write is stunning. I'll definitely be back and I can't wait for the next update!

From: Emma Shinoda

Date: 2014-05-23

Chapter: 4

I'm sorry I missed a chapter, but I just got caught up, and I don't even know how to describe this beautiful story anymore. Anything I say just doesn't seem to do it justice. I think my heart literally broke to know that Chester died on Christmas Day. I am going crazy in anticipation of finding out what happened to him, why he had to leave Mike so alone...and then the apparition of Ches telling Mike he couldn't see him anymore. Very powerful. Please write more soon, this is incredible <3

From: ::~

Date: 2014-05-22

Chapter: 4

It seems that the more I read this story, the more my heart crushes with the weight of all the melancholy pain within it... There's something so stark, so beautiful, and so plainly honest about how our senses become doubly aware when we're caught in the throe of grieving over someone. The part of the Indian summer, and that little dove... It almost sounded like a new beginning, a sign of a new, hesitant hope. My eyes burned when he hung up the Christmas lights and his own vision blurred; sometimes you just do things that you know will kill you with memories, yet you want to relive that moment, just know how it felt, when the other was with you. I've never really read something as beautiful or poetic as this, your observations are brilliant... I daresay this could have stemmed out of some personal experience, which I am really sorry for... You can really translate emotion into words, it's a wonderful gift. Thank you, as always, for writing this, this is going straight into my favourites. And thank you, so much, for the shoutout, it's very kind. Take care, and update soon! I'll be waiting to see a new chapter. :)

From: wz

Date: 2014-05-22

Chapter: 4

Oh it feels like the words of a grown man crushing back into his unsafe imagination, the one that shuts us away from the reality we can fight. He sounds helpless, unable to move on. But then again, even though life puts us through the heaviest things we can handle, it seems to forget what we need, the time we need to get used to the negativity.

To love, is a gift. But it is also a curse, a weight that does not lift through the years, that doesn't leave your heart and mind even if you beg for it to stop. Life is horrible, when you have a lover, when you make love to him/her, when you lose everything that's yours to share it with another soul. It fees sick, heartbreaking to read of a man in his own desperation, dying in his mind, incapable of moving on. This is beautiful, but terrorizing.

From: eggplant

Date: 2014-05-21

Chapter: 3

Chester is dead in this story or almost dead. I feel too bad for the man that searches for him. Poor Mike.

You're a real writer.

Greetings

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