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2. Secrets by lpfan503

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From: Samweis

Date: 2018-11-18

Chapter: 38

“Do you think I don’t have a life outside of you, Ches?”


That sentence really cracked me. We all know it's not a joke but the truth. Mike knows it, Anna knows it, the guys know it and Ches knows it as well.


Glad that he is back. Mike was going crazy and it's enough to worry about Ches going back to normal - I don't need to worry about both of my favourite people ;)


The reunion was bittersweet. I like that Chester was honest and talked about the reasons behind shutting himself off and I really hope it helped. Wish it would helped in rl.

From: malaiyas

Date: 2018-11-17

Chapter: 38

I just got caught back up and I'm just like... OIBGESIOGSRL


I barely have words. The last few chapters felt like a special brand of torture, with Chester being away and getting into Mike's head. They're so close, it's like a part of him was missing.


Then this one... when he comes home and it's like all is right because he's back, right down to not calling out for him in his sleep.


That conversation, though, about finding your base self, making decisions of your own and especially what kinds of decisions you might make if they didn't impact anyone else... that resonated with me so much! I think we all undoubtedly face that same internal struggle, but in this context, it's such an important question to ask because Mike even acknowledges in his head that if he could do that, he'd be with Chester. JBGLESBGJE


I'm sorry for the shitty, jumbled review but I love the way this is shaping up to lead into the next (first?) one!

From: Esmeralda

Date: 2018-11-16

Chapter: 38

Omg is beautiful seeing Mike so excited because Chester is back, impatiently waiting for him to text him, or call him or to seeing him at the coffee shop the next morning. Just like a teenager in love!! So cute! The bad thing is Anna knows and as a very clever woman, she quickly connects Mike's sudden change in behavior with the fact that Chester is back.


And is even more beautiful because they are not just so crazy in love with each other, but because they are absolutely the best friends you can think off. That whole conversation at the cafe was very moving and deep. They can read each others mind and heart so well, but still both of them are able to get away with the secret love.


This conversation between them is something I could definitely imagine happening IRL, so genuine and honest. And this paragraph just broke my heart a little more: "If someone had asked, Mike couldn’t have explained the way he was feeling, but having Chester back with him was like having sunlight back after living in darkness for months… like returning to warmth after being lost in the cold". It just reminds me about 'Looking for an answer'. I know that's the way Mike felt when Chester left us, in darkness.


The little bit when Mike notices Chester is ripped, reminds me also that is not only love but also lust Mike feels for his man.... and it's true Chester was very skinny during LT and Hunting party and then got really ripped during OML. I cannot wait to see those final scenes that will finally connect this fic to Confession, I know something major may happen that will finally push Chester to open up to Mike after all these years of hiding his true feelings.

From: mermaid_life87

Date: 2018-11-14

Chapter: 38

The last line of this chapter...*sigh* so beautiful...like, the perfect sentence/sentiment to end with. Especially after their reunion.


Im so happy for Mike and Chester that I swear I had the cheesiest grin on my face the whole way through. Which speaks to your writing abilities. To say Im invested in this story and the characters would be an understatement.


Also, even though I know nothing too physcial happens between Mike and Chester before "Confession", I saw "X" as the chapter title and got a little excited ;) Then I had to remind myself to calm down lol My mind is always in the gutter *rolls eyes*


Can't wait for the next update!!

From: Penelope_Ink

Date: 2018-11-13

Chapter: 37

It's a beautiful chapter! I know you said it was a mess, but I don't think so! The end is my absolute favorite. I read an interview with Mike here recently and he was talking about how Chester always said he had a way of writing down what he was thinking, and you showed that here. I love it. The moment when Chester stopped and had his head down and said he needed a minute just about ripped my heart out. I honestly had NO idea where you were taking that because I was with Mike...like too much too fast! But it was the opposite.


And that whole convo about stripping down to your base self and what would you do if no one else was impacted by your decisions, ugh. You ARE SO CLEVER. Obviously that's Exactly what happens in Confession. It's fantastic! I can see it coming and not just because I know it's coming.


Mike thinking about how he and Anna haven't had sex in so long that he can't even remember when is sad, but very telling. And it's even more telling that he passed out. lol I honestly thought he'd be ready to go and Anna would connect that with him being happy Chester was back, not turned on by her or missing her or whatever but nope! The boy just passed out. Passed out so he could get to tomorrow faster. Passed out because his worry was finally at ease.


Mike is such a mess in this story, but he's a good mess. He's a very human mess. And he loves Chester so much. On levels that don't even have names.


Okay, done rambling. I loved the chapter and I know there aren't many left to go..I'm going to miss this story when it's done.

From: mermaid_life87

Date: 2018-11-08

Chapter: 37

I want to let you know that I read Confession and have kept up with Secrets before I ever had an account. Both stories have my heart. I love that you put so much effort into making them as realistic as possible. That couldn't always have been easy but it is very much appreciated by the readers. There are definitely some LPTV moments and some concert footage that I'll never look at the same way again ;) And I love that.

As others have said, Im ready for happy too. But the happy will feel all that much sweeter b/c of everything that led up to it. These stories are amazing and make my Bennoda heart so, so happy. <3

From: Esmeralda

Date: 2018-11-08

Chapter: 37

This is such a great chapter as always.. I really appreciate this fic and I admire you even more as a writer for being this invested in developing this story the way you are doing it. It's perfect in every single way and you are great at matching fiction and reality.


If this notebook, well the letter specifically is not a declaration of love from Chester, I don't know what it is, he is openly admitting Mike have always been inside his head, one way or the other. Mike will surely treasure this and is not a good idea if Anna gets to read it. OML is a very soft/sad album and I know that even if Chester did not participate in writing most of the songs, probably his state of mind during 2016 probably influenced most of it or at least inspired Mike IRL.


These last several chapters have been extremely hard to read and I am really looking forward to that reunion between our guys, and to see how you will be presenting the final chapters of these lovely fic, even though I don't want it to end.

From: Samweis

Date: 2018-11-05

Chapter: 37

All this emotions... I don't know where to go with them right now. I feel so sorry for Mike. It must be hard to not being able to help the person you love. I guess we all have been in situations where we felt helpless and defended and this feeling is awful. Glad that Brad is there to listen though and to make sure that Mike is kept busy. So he cannot worry 24/7. Even though the music doesn't go as well as he wants it to, it's better to have him in the studio with Brad than alone loosing his mind.


The notebook... That was the moment I just started crying. I think Mike is really one of the only persons in the world to understand Ches sometimes and this letter really reflected on this.


I don't know what to think... We know that Mike was able to make beautiful music from Chesters thoughts and emotions and struggles. Sometimes I wish he wouldn't be. That there wouldn't be anything bad to write about. Nothing heavy. But then we also wouldn't be here because we wouldn't love it so much...



By the way, I hope you know we would wait for an update for even waaaay longer and still be here to read it. Because it doesn't matter how long takes. I will always make sure to catch up <3

From: JellyfishLP

Date: 2018-11-05

Chapter: 37

Such a great chapter, although it was a bit short. But I don't mind short chapters when they are this good. The notebook was so cute, I almost teared up...


Please update soon, I love this story!

From: Penelope_Ink

Date: 2018-11-04

Chapter: 37

This was a shorter chapter, but it packed a punch. I absolutely hate the thought of Chester in rehab...and not just rehab, but struggling with depression and being cut off from communicating with Mike. Gosh. I hope that's not self-imposed :( I need more information. I want to know where Talinda is, and what she has to say.


I'm glad Brad is being reasonable in this chapter. So many times he takes it all personally and flies off the handle, but he did really well. The letter from Chester in the notebook was just ugh. Heartbreaking.


I'm so ready for happy! For Mike and for Chester and even Anna. She might have Mike, but I don't think she's happy. I don't think she's been happy for a long time. And you know the saying, if mama ain't happy, then no one is happy.


The thought of Mike trying to piece together bits from Chester's writings into lyrics without Chester being there to help explain is just an awful thought. *sigh* Bring on OML! Since we know that ends happy :)

From: bag_full_of_stars

Date: 2018-11-04

Chapter: 37

It was another great chapter :) I totally love how you lace reality with fiction...

The notebook is such a sweet thing..

I loved all of it..

From: Fable_star

Date: 2018-11-04

Chapter: 37

This story has been very hard to read for me as I've told you before.. But I still read every chapter cos it is written so beautifully. I adored "confession" but I realise that this is truly your labour of love for Linkin Park. The attention to detail and how you've matched the story to stuff in real life is unbelievable! It's so easy for me to watch lptv and believe that this is what is "real"...


I can't wait for "forever". Secrets makes me want to cry....especially the last few chapters uve written. What an amazing relationship!! If only....

From: xX_LP4Life_05_Xx

Date: 2018-10-29

Chapter: 36

God you have such a way with words. You literally brought me to tears. Reading those emotions, i could just feel them within myself. I've been in that frame of mind and god is it so dark. But I'm glad Chester got it out and that he's going to get help. I can't imagine how hard this chapter must have been to write but its truly beautiful.

From: Samweis

Date: 2018-10-25

Chapter: 36

Hard to read, again. But beautifully written. Every word that they say to each other is full of love and friendship. It's so intense that it nearly hurts. There is such a strong relationship between them.

And the way you describe how Ches feels is really really good. Not content-wise (it sucks to see him hurt like this and what thoughts are stuck in his head), but it is well described what kind of stuff is going on in ones mind when depression kicks in.

I'm glad to know that the rehab will help the Ches on your story. It makes it bearable to get through this chapters where he is not doing ok. And I would give a lot to make this reality...

From: Esmeralda

Date: 2018-10-24

Chapter: 36

There is not too much I could say about this chapter, other than it made me extremely sad, because of its resemblance to what actually happened IRL. I do know that this story has been really tough for you to write but reading you mentioning that it is about to end really breaks my heart, and now I truly appreciate that you are taking your time to update because I do not want it to end. Will really miss these characters.


But down to the chapter, it was beautifully written as always. The confession about the drinking and the suicide ideas and the way Chester acts and talks upon himself it hit me really hard, because that is a conversation I could see happening between them.


To lighten things up a bit, I gotta mention I loved this line: "Whatever, Mikey, you know you’d never say no to me. If I decided to eat the whole damn thing - which I won’t - you’d let me have it and you know it.” And yes Mike knows it so well and even if they are not in a romantic relationship just yet.. They do act like a couple, how can they be so blind. I'm really looking forward to OML but again I don't want this to end so don't rush please.

From: Penelope_Ink

Date: 2018-10-22

Chapter: 36

I'm not sure what to say. It's so hard to see Chester struggle. To see him not be able to wake himself up. To see him refuse food and company. To see Mike tiptoeing around him.


Ugh.


I was relieved that Chester admitted to the drinking without Mike having to accuse him. That was good. And him admitting to his thoughts about suicide, my heart. I just want him to be better. To be okay. I feel like Mike.


Despite the challenging subject matter of this chapter, you wrote it beautifully. As always. I applaud your efforts with this story, trying so hard to keep it to the timeline/events of reality. It's quite the body of work.


And Chester bringing up what Mike had said before, and how he took it so differently than Mike meant it, gosh. I could see how that could happen so easily. Especially with the state of mind Chester was in at the time. I just want to hug him.


Update soon, so we can get to some relief.


*hugs*

From: Esmeralda

Date: 2018-10-19

Chapter: 35

I keep saying this, no other writer in this site is able to build on the characters like you do and to convey so many emotions. The scenes with Anna and Talinda show that and I really love the beautiful friendship you've built here and the conversations they usually have. I appreciate the fact that Anna was patient with Mike during Chester's hard times and didn't confront him for being there but not actually being there.


The bit with the ring it really saddened me, because why is Mike leaving his ring behind when he is away? "If it were Chester’s ring, he’d never take it off". This was hard to read and I know her mind is full of conflicting thoughts and she knows she is losing her husband but just don't want to admit it. She knows the hell that is coming now for both of them if Chester goes to rehab.


I really do hope you can show us that conversation/confrontation Mike is about to have with Chester and that he is dreading so much. I wonder if Chester will be able to admit he is drinking on his back and if he will agree on going to rehab. Cannot wait for you're next chapter.

From: Samweis

Date: 2018-10-15

Chapter: 35

Wow... As much as I love the Mike/Chester chapters - you are so good at creating a complete picture of a situation. Like... All the inside we get into Anna and Talinda and how life changes when the guys are on tour. How much they support each other and how much they struggle with the two extremes of having there husbands around, trying to adjust to being a dad and husband again and not having them around for months at all. Thats so well written and well explained!


And what I really appreciate is the fact that Mike is calling Talinda to share his concerns. First, because she is still his wife and she needs to know. Second, because Mike can't carry this weight all by himself. It is already bad enough that he needs to have "the talk" with Ches all by himself. I guess he is the right person to do it but it must be so hard. The feeling of not being able to help, not being enough reason for Ches to not drink... Heavy shit...

From: Penelope_Ink

Date: 2018-10-14

Chapter: 34

Favorite paragraph (yes, paragraph): Her wet swimsuit was off and drying on the edge of the bathtub when Anna stepped into her running shorts, and looked at Mike’s side of the vanity. He always leaves everything so neat and clean when he goes. Almost like he was never here. She pulled on her sports bra and tank top, then ran her hand through her damp hair. He’ll be back tomorrow, and he’ll work his way right back into our lives as though he was never away. There will be shoes by the front door and toothpaste by his sink. The orange dish will be empty and the ring on his finger. He’ll leave his hair gel on the counter and his coffee cup in the rack. He’ll be back. I’ll know he’s back because all of his things will be moving, living, breathing. Not part of a shrine to a man who stays here sometimes.


That was just, wow. It's one of your elegant writing moments that you're so good at.


Now. Anna and Talinda, I feel for them. I love seeing them with the kiddos. They're such a support for each other in so many ways. I have to say, I wasn't expecting the drinking thing. I just wasn't. I thought she was going to say something about...I'm not even sure, but it wasn't drinking. It's all so sad, and Mike at the end, I just want to hug him. But he can't be responsible for Chester either, you know? Even if it is self-imposed.


I love the contrast between Anna and Talinda. I really do. And I think you've hit them so squarely on the head to their RL selves in that aspect.


Anna looking at Mike's ring and thinking that if it was Chester's, Mike would never take it off was heart wrenching. Or even her thinking about her "normal" life without him. Just all the Anna moments. I feel so bad for her, and obviously we know more than she does at this point about what's really going on.


I hate the idea of Chester going to rehab. I'm worried for that convo to happen. The weight sitting on Mike's chest is the size of an elephant. *sigh*


I know you struggled with this chapter, but I enjoyed it! You do the wives so well :) Every time they get a scene, it's just enjoyable to read. Also, it's so ironic that they're fretting over Chester drinking while they're having wine lol the irony is so thick and yet so human.

From: malaiyas

Date: 2018-10-08

Chapter: 34

I really felt the part where Mike inadvertently made Chester cry. It does help to remind myself that he's okay in Confession and therefore makes it through this... but fuck, even how dismissive he was toward Talinda when he got home was painful to read.


If nothing else, though, that ending was really uplifting to read, which helps. It provides a bit of a light at the end of the tunnel here.<3

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