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Behind His Life by ValentineShinoda

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From: Penelope_Ink

Date: 2018-06-20

Chapter: 8

I love the way you wrote about Anna and Mike's relationship in this chapter. Some beautiful lines. And so happy that he has Chester to lean on. It's cute to thin of their baby girls sharing hand-me-down clothes. I hope Mike will seek help, and not be ashamed of it.

From: Penelope_Ink

Date: 2018-05-24

Chapter: 6

This story just breaks my heart. I hope Mike will be okay. He seems to be falling further and further down.

From: Penelope_Ink

Date: 2018-05-24

Chapter: 6

This story just breaks my heart. I hope Mike will be okay. He seems to be falling further and further down.

From: Penelope_Ink

Date: 2018-05-12

Chapter: 4

Chester sat down and ate celery with him. Now that's a good friend. I can see that visual so clear in my head. Even him trying to get Mike to take some Ranch Dressing. *sigh* Poor Mike. And the bit about Chester sleeping over being scary because Chester likes to cook breakfast. Oh my. Mike's going collapse from malnutrition, I just know it! I hope he's not holding one of the babies when he does :(


Everyone getting together sounds like a fun time though. Excited to see how that will go.

From: Penelope_Ink

Date: 2018-05-11

Chapter: 3

Awww I love the names on the Starbucks' cups! Such a nice touch. I hate to see Mike still eating celery. Poor thing. But he's with his family and hopefully the arrival of his girls will help in some way. I love seeing the guys be so supportive :) What a happy chapter!

From: Penelope_Ink

Date: 2018-05-11

Chapter: 3

This is for Chapter 2. I'm happy to see Mike is okay...though hoping his eating habits improve. Can't wait for his little girls to be born and I love the way they did the name reveal :) I love that he went to Chester first. Anna seems so supportive, and yet there's a gloomy cloud over this story, like I can feel that something really, really bad is going to happen.

From: ValentineShinoda

Date: 2018-05-09

Chapter: 3

The line about the blade means that he cut himself to calm his nerves. I wrote this line to be viewed either way at the same time.

From: A.N.

Date: 2018-05-09

Chapter: 3

TWINS! YAY!


This whole chapter was so precious!!! That moment when Berlin touched his scar, and he didn't react, it was sad because it's a reminder of what he's done to himself, but it was also endearing because he was trying so hard to be strong in front of all of them. I can respect that.


"I am no longer shaking because I used the blade that I had in my back pocket to calm my senses." - So this line, if I'm interpreting this right, did he cut himself again? Or was he fiddling with the blade in his pocket, like a nervous habit?


The note at the end... of Mike announcing the birth of the twins... In real life, Mike would never do that, because he is way too private, but, I'm glad you had him do that. It's like the twins give him hope, something to look forward to.

From: A.N.

Date: 2018-05-08

Chapter: 2

Paragraphs! I'm so happy! I hope the advice from Penelope and I didn't come across as rough, and instead helpful as we intended :)


I love those names, Parker and Berlin! Such cool names for girls. Berlin especially.


I love the way Mike reveals the names to the bandmates, such a creative thing to do! You put so much detail into describing how he did that, and it was so cute!


Of course I'm worried for Mike, but, I'm also looking forward to the birth of the twins.

From: Penelope_Ink

Date: 2018-05-07

Chapter: ?

Hi there, first off, I agree with A.N. - the massive blocks of text are hard on the eyes, if you could break them up a bit more, it would be easier to read :) I feel bad for Mike in this, man, wow.


I really loved this line: my blades are hidden just like Chester’s alcohol


That just got to me! Love the way you worded it. I'm glad to see Mike having his family, hopefully that will be a plus in his life to help pull him out of this. The eating disorder, the cutting - it's all so heartbreaking/worrisome.

From: A.N.

Date: 2018-05-06

Chapter: ?

You gave this an excellent title!


I thought this was very interesting. I like reading about Mike being conflicted about who he is, especially during his younger years. I really identify with Mike questioning himself and his style, who he is, and lacking confidence.


Unique way to end this chapter, and I'm really looking forward to what happens next. This is like a snapshot of Mike's life, and it's fascinating. Also love the idea of him and Chester both having twin girls. So cute!


His issues of cutting and the eating disorder, scary stuff. It sounds like he's moving past it, but, I'm really worried for him.


A piece of advice, and please understand that I mean this as kindly as possible: A big block of text is not comfortable for anyone to read. Your writing is worded nicely, I don't see any typing errors, and your grammar is awesome, although you've got a nice collection of run-on sentences (run-on sentences aren't a big deal, seniors in college still do them, and they are super easy to learn how to fix). But you need more paragraphs.


I am more than happy to be a beta for you; to look over your stories before you post them in the future and make suggestions/minor edits. I don't want us to lose you as an author, cause you have great ideas. You're welcome to send me an email via the email link on my profile, and I'll gladly get back to you, if you'd like me to be your beta.

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