LPfiction

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Silence, Art and Grief by ValentineShinoda

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From: Alerion

Date: 2018-06-08

Chapter: 2

I feel like you have such good ideas and it sucks no one really takes the time out to tell you that. Also, I think you should continue! What I think though, is that you may need a beta for very minor mistakes. And I also think you may need to expand on details a bit. Not making long drawn out chapters, of course. But (and I mean this constructively!) less short, robotic sounding sentences. Ya feel me? So for example, instead of saying "Mike liked spending time with Abrielle but he felt guilty." You may say "Mike enjoyed spending time with Abrielle. She was fun to be around, intelligent, and beautiful. But deep down, Mike felt a pang of guilt in his stomach for lnwoing he was out with her, instead of being with Anna at home."


SUCKY example, I know lol. I, of course, am a novice writer myself. But you get the point, I'm sure. Please continue, though. I would like to see what else you come up with!

From: A.N.

Date: 2018-06-05

Chapter: 1

So beautifully written, and beautifully realistic!


I love this so much already, please continue!


That moment when Mike falls asleep holding Anna's hand, really illustrated how powerful their relationship is. Mike going with Abba to get a milkshake is adorable, but also really lovely. Good way for Mike to get out of the house, and a chance for him to focus on someone and something that isn't grief.

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