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I Wish It Wasn't So by Penelope_Ink

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From: Esmeralda

Date: 2019-09-23

Chapter: 19

I experienced so many emotions while reading the last chapter of this fic... it was such a fluffy chapter and made me feel so happy but also a bit sad to see that the journey is over. And what a journey!! So dark and grey in the beginning and ending in such a beautiful note.


I loved everything about this fic. The flashbacks about their torrid affair and the way they were able to forgive each other and open themselves to experience love are my favorite parts. And to see them now 2 years later having such a beautiful relationship after such a bad start, is just a testimony of the amazing writer you are.


I love that you got to show the real aspects of their life together and not just the sex and slash. The messy house, the dogs and other animals, Chester and his crazy personality, the co parenting and the way they complement and make each other better by just being together, and how everybody seem to notice the change in Mike's demeanor by just having Chester by his side.


I will always keep this one on my favorites. And I cannot wait to a read more from you.. I am sure you will surprise me one more time with something even more amazing.

From: mermaid_life87

Date: 2019-09-19

Chapter: 19

Sorry for my late review! I read this when you updated but I’ve been in a bit of a funk lately. Lack any and all motivation to do anything -including writing reviews. However, I’m trying hard to pull my head out of my ass. That being said, if this review lacks my usual spunk, forgive me.


I love the way you wrapped this up. :) You covered all the bases but in little, subtle ways. Which is just further proof of your talent as a writer. <3 I love it.


I’m so happy Mike’s parents came around just like Jason predicted. And Anna realizing that, despite the craziness of life with Chester, Mike is thriving is extremely important. I’m glad she’s noticing.


I think my two favorite parts were 1.) The brief Bennoda w/frosting moment in the kitchen ;) and 2.) When they were saying good night to all the kids. That warmed my heart so much. <3


Oh, and I loved the interaction between Chester and Otis. :’)


Alright, I think that’s it. Can’t wait to see what else you have up your sleeve. :) I enjoy your stories so much. <3

From: halvlang

Date: 2019-09-14

Chapter: 19

The ending was perfect. It summed up so nicely what this all was about. You know I would never say no to a smutty Bennoda scene but I prefer this as a last chapter. All the chaos, all the animals, all the different people and characters. But none of that matters because Mike and Che’s are happy and that’s all that counts.


You know I love your reading. Every word tiggers some emotions in me and all I can do is saying thank you for that <3 Whatever is up next, I’m ready for it!

From: JellyfishLP

Date: 2019-09-13

Chapter: 19

Another great story is finished. I really liked this chapter and the whole story in general, and I didn't mind that there wasn't a slash scene in the last chapter. Not every bennoda story needs lots and lots of slash (which sounds weird, coming from me xD) Anyway, I loved that this chapter took place at Christmas, and that all the kids spent it at Mike's and Chester's house.


Also, Otis saying 'fuck' was really funny, because Mike certainly has talked to Ches about not swearing in front of the kids a few times, but he can't help it xD


All in all, I liked everything about this chapter, and especially your descriptions of the chaos with all the kids and animals at their house. I love the fact that they never take the christmas lights off. The only part that bothered me a little bit was Sam, but she's part of the past and has a kid with Ches, so there's a reason for her being there. I liked Mike's jealousy, though, and that he still questions why Ches is so friendly to her.


Well done, can't wait for new stories :)

From: lpfan503

Date: 2019-09-12

Chapter: 19

I hate when your stories end. Every time. I know you were ready on this one, but I love it so much. I’m going to miss it. :(


You know my feelings about Sam. Eh. It’s good that you threw her into the mix. There was just enough hint of things that weren’t good between her and Talinda without it being a big deal or distraction, so kudos on that. I just can’t stand her in RL so when she gets in your stories I’m like - yuck. That little bit with her sliding in the “Chester’s always been good in the kitchen” and Mike’s jealousy was also well done. This whole chapter felt very subtle to me, but in a good way. You packed a lot in but it didn’t hit me over the face, and I liked that.


Also, Mike’s thoughts about Sam, and then expressing them to Chester, and Chester’s explanation of why he even lets her stay around I thought was really good. I could see that being the way of things in RL, if this was a true story. I also liked how Mike was immediately contrite and feeling bad for what he said. He loves Chester so much... it makes my heart so happy.


YEAH, I wanted more kisses in the kitchen. :/ Chocolate frosting and Chester and ahhhh, stupid doorbell. I’m just going to keep crying about this interruption.


Favorite line: ““Yeah,” Otis absently answered, as he patted one small hand over Mike’s face, covering his nose, then his lips as he laughed and cooed, “Daddy.” ← omg, my heart. I got a tear in my eye at the sweetness.


The contrast between what I imagine Anna’s house to be like and what Mike and Chester’s house is like is summed up in one exchange: the spaghetti convo. Perfect use of a small detail to show how different their homes are. And then my heart MELTED with Otis running to Chester and calling him Chessy. Omg. Just all of that is precious and adorable and I love it. Thankfully Anna seems to not be too awful, and can even see that Mike is better. <3 I think that is important to the story, and I’m glad it’s there, even if her arrival ruined what was going to be sexy fun frosting time in the kitchen.


Also - I absolutely busted out in laughter at the whole part about Otis’ potty mouth. At least he’s using the correct form of the word when he says fuck. HAHAHA, that was my other favorite part. I love it. Reminds me of that RL video Alyssa posted of Lily saying fuck. It’s funny but it’s not funny, but it is. You know?


Ah, the Christmas lights <3 gave me all the feels. I loved all the goodnights and the way everyone seems to be settling into the new life. And then of course you brought it back full circle. I admit, my heart kind of stopped at the line “but Mike didn’t move” even though I KNEW he was better, I still held my breath. Great ending. Mike is happy, they’re together, and that’s satisfying. I’m so glad you wrote this. <3

From: Esmeralda

Date: 2019-09-06

Chapter: 18

Oh boy! I'm so sad this fic is about to end, you could have written many more chapters, and it could have been great.. just saying!


It seems to me that Chester and Mike's live in their new home it will be a hot mess, starting with Chester and all his animals and all his clothes and crazy habits.. well, he warned Mike very well in advance what it was like to live with him and Mike was okay with that so I guess he will get used to it, so see him practicing edith the dogs was too cute.


I loved Mike and Jason's conversation in the beginning, they have a very nice brotherly relationship. I'm glad Jason is seeing that Mike looks happier now that he is with Chester. I hope Muto can also accept him, I know he has been a little predisposed towards Chester since this fic started, especially when Mike overdosed.


The guys and basically everybody complaining about the moving and Mike and Chester not hiring professionals was too funny and sooo true... is there something more annoying than moving? I'm glad everybody showed up to help them! Even Ryan and Amir. Finally I gotta mention Chester and his tasmanian devil impression.LOL it really sounds like Chester..I love it!

From: mermaid_life87

Date: 2019-08-24

Chapter: 18

Awww, the ending to this chapter is so perfect! Minus you skipping the slash, of course. But I forgive you ;)


I’m with Delson regarding the movers. My family always moved around a lot and moving sucks big donkey balls. BIG. If I had their money, I, for sure, would never move my own shit again. Bonding experience or not.


I’m glad you threw in the conversation between Jason and Mike. It was open and honest and I think Jason was able to reassure Mike some which is good. My favorite bit? Mike saying he gave Chester up once and he won’t do it again, not even for his dad. Love, love, love that line. You have no idea. <333 Bennoda against the world is my favorite Bennoda.


Mike and how he’s warming up to the animals...how could he not? Too cute. And they’re definitely part of the Chester package so it’s good he’s getting used to them.


This is just a funny side note...when Chester told Mike to “come grab a piece of this” talking about that big ass couch, I expected Mike to go over and grab Chester’s ass :D lol That would’ve been too funny.


Brad is already noticing a change in Mike and that warms my Bennoda heart so much. His dad will notice too at some point. It’s just a matter of time.


Okay, I don’t think I’m forgetting anything. Update soon!

From: lpfan503

Date: 2019-08-23

Chapter: 18

Ready for a lazy list review?


1 - Mike’s convo with Jason. (I love all mentions of Jason in stories now!) This is soooo important. Jason is totally cool with Mike’s choice of Chester. Mike’s mom will be fine, she’s just hurt she didn’t know first. And Mike’s dad reacted exactly the way I would have expected based on his reaction to Mike overdosing. It’s not what he expected from his son and that initial let down/disappointment comes across as anger and stonewalling. I am glad to know he will come around, but I can tell it really hurts Mike.


2 - All of the dog/pool drama, and then Mike calling them inside the way we all talk to dogs is so cute. I can imagine him feeling ridiculous the first few times he talks to the dogs this way, but when Chester hears it he will love it, and he’ll love Mike even more (if that’s possible.)


3 - Your description of moving and all that chaos is spot on. I’m like Chester. I stay up late unpacking because I just can’t deal with the upheaval.


4 - I love that Ryan and Amir bailed before it was time to get to the couch moving. :) I feel like that was calculated.


5 - Brad’s realization that Mike was better. <3 I’m so glad Mike is better. I was worried for him. And speaking of better… where is the unicorn blanket?


6 - Jaime being there for Chester is sweet. I love how he got embarassed about the shower, that is exactly how boys that age act about their parents talking about sex, directly or implied. Perfect. I also feel like it is very in character for his other boys to not be there. His thoughts about Ryan and Amir being Chester and Talinda’s friends, and the band being Chester’s friends, caught me by surprise. I guess in my head, I picture them all being friends all the time. But it makes sense. In real life our friends are not always friends with our other friends.


7 - I think this is my favorite paragraph: “The comment hit every single one of them at the same time, like they were all suddenly asked a complicated math problem. Their heads tilted, and Joe put his hand to his chin, stroking his goatee while Rob’s eyebrows narrowed in thought. What would showering in the rain be like? Rob wasn’t sure, but it looked like he wasn’t the only one confused.” Haha, Roobbbbbbbb!!!!


8 - Mike and the animals made me laugh. I wouldn’t want to have sex with a room full of animals watching me either, but we all know Mike is going to do it anyway, and those animals aren’t going anywhere so he better get used to it. Haha, poor Mike, he’s already using sappy dog calling voices and petting the cats. ;)


9 - Chester and Mike being so playful on the bed, I love them. LOVE THEM. Of course you stopped, because that’s so you, so there better be some slash in the last chapter.


10 - I can’t believe it’s the last chapter. :(

From: JellyfishLP

Date: 2019-08-23

Chapter: 18

Aw, I really liked this chapter!


Firstly, Mike's conversation with Jason was so important because it shows how his family reacted to Mike now living with Chester, and that his parents will eventually come around. Secondly, the scene inside the house with all the trouble and stress that moving from one place to another brings...


Then the conversation between Jamie and the guys...I think it was a great idea to also show how Chester's kids (or in this case only Jamie and what was said about Draven later) react to this whole thing. He's got lots of kids in different ages, and I guess it can be dificult to understand for a kid that daddy suddenly loves a man.


Also Mike's feelings about living in a house with that many animals xD They definitely need to leave the bedroom, in my opinion xD What was really cute were his thoughts about being curious what he doesn't know about Chester yet and will find out only now that they live together. I thought that was really adorable :)


Please update soon :)

From: halvlang

Date: 2019-08-22

Chapter: 18

Moving can be a pain in the ass and I totally agree with everyone who suggested to hire someone for this! Why would you not do that if money is not a problem?? "Bounding"... Seriously, Mike... I love you but I strongly disagree here!

That needed to be said, I've moved so often (my own stuff and helping friends) and there is nothing more annoying then carrying heavy furniture around and this was triggering me on a whole new level :P


But all the guys helping (well... despite Mike), that was great. And also that Jamie showed up. Even though he is not sure what to think, I bet it meant a lot to Ches and also Mike. You know, Ches' kids will forgive him at some point, he is their dad, no matter what. But they also have to accept Mike as the new partner and that might be a bit more difficult, for the kids and Mike. Just to adjust and hope that they will love him unconditionally as well one day. I loved how the guys had this serious talk with Jamie, even when not being that close. it shows that there is a certain level of trust involved.


Mike on the phone with Jay.. That was a heavy start into an otherwise more light chapter. I really hope Mike's parents come around. I just remember how upset Muto was when they first arrived at the hospital but he needs to see that Ches is what Mike needs and that it makes his son happier than he has ever been. Good to know that Jay is at least supportive.


And now I will bike to work and picture Ches, Mike and all the kids hanging out on the couch and I also fit in all the other guys, just to have a complete mental picture of how great, loving, cosy and wonderful their life together is going to be!

From: mermaid_life87

Date: 2019-08-02

Chapter: 17

My two favorite moments from this chapter:


1.) Mike’s head in Chester’s lap and their conversation. <3 And how Chester manages to be so honest but so reassuring all at the same time. What a beautiful, tender moment between them. I may or may not have read that part alone a couple times. ;) Oh, and Mike saying, “This is why I’m better with you”...*happy sigh*


2.) Chester with Jasper. Like others have said, you truly captured Chester’s personality and it was heart warming to read. Totally brought to mind the pics/videos I’ve seen of Chester interacting with Jasper in RL. :) A very nice added touch.


The yadda-yadda with Rob! :D Definitely laughed out loud! hahaha Poor, confused Bourdie lol


I love Chester’s speech to Brad about Mike, how much they love each other, and how they’re both going to be okay now. And then Brad giving his support...I swear my Bennoda heart was ready to burst.


I will be sad to see this go. But, at the same time, it means something new to look forward to from you and I’m always ready for that. :) I adore your writing. <3

From: Esmeralda

Date: 2019-08-02

Chapter: 17

Aww what you are doing to me with this fic! I love it so so much... I always knew Mike loved Otis but he was just afraid, terrified of being a dad, and also Otis was the symbol of being closer to Anna and farther away from Chester, so I understand why the regrets of having him in the first place. But once a child is here, no matter what, is a part of you that you cannot leave behind. I just can picture how awesome it would be when Mike and Ches are together with all the kids. ❤


And those scenes with Mike watching Chester talk to Jasper... sooo cute and that little conversation on Chester's lap, it was so intimate and his advice to Mike so reassuring.. it certainly helped a lot to provide the much needed courage to talk to Brad and the guys... and then Brad again watching Chester, I just could picture a whole scene with RL Chester having that serious conversation with Jasper about the coffee cups and his picky bandmates, he was just unbelievably cute and crazy.. impossible not to fall in love with his personality.


I'm really glad Brad was supportive and I know the other guys would be too... the only one that I was actually afraid of not being supportive was Brad.. since he is well.. he is Brad lol, but the other guys most likely won't give any trouble. The involuntary kiss in front of them will make part of their job of telling them easier and I know everybody at least already suspect there may be some kind of feelings between Mike and Chester even though no one admits it. Please please update soon, I don't want this fic to ever end, but cannot wait for the next chapter.

From: JellyfishLP

Date: 2019-08-01

Chapter: 17

Oh God, I absolutely loved this chapter! (Okay, I loved all of them, but this one was special)


Mike finally realizing that he doesn't hate Otis, and that he wants to be there for him was sooo beautiful. I know that a lot of reviewers have said that already, but it's true. I'm sure that Mike and Ches will be wonderful daddies for Otis and also for Chester's kids.


Then, the rest of the chapter, which was amazing as well. I loved the coffee scene where Brad just stands there and watches Chester prepapare the coffee cups for everyone and talks to the dog! The ending was great, too. Now that they (accidentally) kissed in front of everyone, they'll have a lot of explaining to do, but I'm sure it will all turn out well, please update soon :)

From: halvlang

Date: 2019-07-31

Chapter: 16

I need a list. I definitely need a list. I know I write a lot of lists lately, but every time I read a chapter like this, a chapter were I have my emotions going in all directions, I want to capture all of it and a list seems the only way. So, here we go:


1.) Mike thinking about Otis. I think this was so heartbreaking but also so important. For Mike, realising that he actually does love his son and that he wants to be there for him. Also for Ches, who can now see that Mike is really better and that the feeling of just leaving everyone behind and taking an overdose, is something in the past.


2.) Ches and Jasper, probably the best conversations someone ever wrote! And by conversations I mean Chester's non-stop rambling. It's just adorable. I had to laugh and smile and I could picture every minute of it, which was beautiful!


3.) The observation by Mike that Ches has so much love to give. It is so true, it captures Chester's real life personality so good and while I write this I might be crying and I'm not sure if it's sad or happy tears because knowing that he gave all this love is beautiful and knowing that he isn't anymore is heartbreaking.


4.) The shared moment with Mike's head in Ches' lap. It was so tender and so fucking good. Seriously, the honesty of their words, the affection they show, the closeness and all the love... wow... just wow... (definitely tears on my side, and definitely happy tears this time)


5.) Brad. Or first of all, Mike defending Brad's love for Ches and then Brad being a great friend. Even though he didn't expect it, he is there for Mike and I was so happy to read that he just accepted it. That's the reinsurance that Mike needs. I mean he is sure about all of this but knowing that his best friend is having is back still needs to help him out to move forward with everything.


6.) I love how they just switch from "I'm getting a divorce and so does Ches, we are moving, etc." to "this song really needs..." Come on guys, seriously?! I mean it made me laugh and it shows so well how it goes sometimes, that there is nothing more to say and that you just move on with daily life and tasks. Which is good, but also kind of hilarious in this situation.


7.) Brad and Ches. Also, just wow. It went completely opposite, from a nonsense discussion about their coffee-cups-order to Chester's speech about how much he loves Mike. Brad is right, that were wonderful words. He should keep parts of that for his weeding vow ;) And then the hug and Brad's word of support for Ches as well and awwww... I was melting!


8.) The guys. Seriously, I was laughing sooooo much when Rob just starts with the yadda-yadda-thing! I had forgotten about it and it took me a second to realise why he is saying it and then I realised and it made me crack. Everything about this last few paragraphs did, especially Brads last sentence. Again "something about music, something about the guys". Let's just mix everything and see where it ends! And Mike "you guys...". It is soooo in character for him to say that. It always reminds me of the moment of the Cologne show last year, after he realised the flashmob he also said "you guys..." in this one special tone that is stuck in my head forever. So that moment was replaying in my mind and I had to force myself to come back to the story to read the last sentences and then I jut laughed even more about Brad.


9.) The description of how Mike feels after the kiss, the description how they actually end up kissing in the hallway, the intimacy between them and the pull towards each other... that was just perfection. Nothing more and nothing less. Just perfection.

From: lpfan503

Date: 2019-07-30

Chapter: 16

The first three paragraphs of this cut me right to the heart. All of the guilt Mike was feeling about leaving Otis, that was particularly hard for me to read. I was thinking about how it all could have been avoided if Mike had been honest ten years ago. But - then he wouldn’t have Otis, so it’s fine. It’s just hard. I teared up with Mike, seriously.


Ah, Chester and the animals. I think you captured that essence really well. He was so cute talking to Jasper, and I love the connection Mike mad with how Chester would be loving on Otis if he were there, and also how Chester could teach him how to be a dad. The picture he came up with in his head was too cute, of them with all the boys.


This is so tender to me and I love every word of it:


“He sat quietly as Mike motioned for him to open his legs. The singer did it, and Mike got as close as he could, on his knees, his arms reaching out to wrap around Chester’s waist. “Or this works,” the singer whispered as Mike laid his head on Chester’s leg. Immediately Chester’s fingers went to Mike’s floppy hair, brushing it out of the way. “Penny for your thoughts.”


Mike sighed. “You might have to take out a loan then, if you want to hear everything.”


Chester smiled softly as he petted Mike’s head, picking a lock of hair up, and then letting it fall before doing it all over again.”


That’s just beautiful writing. <3 I love how open Mike is and how honest Chester is about the situation, but also reassuring. It’s such a wonderful moment between them.


Mike and Chester’s new confidence in the whole situation is SO good to read after all the chapters of pining and indecision and uncertainty. Brad seemed to take it fine - even the thoughts of how it would impact the six of them and the whole LP operation and fans. I’m glad they have his support, especially since Chester worries that Brad hates him, and blamed Ches for Mike’s OD even if he didn’t say it exactly. (I wonder how Mike’s parents are going to take all of this…)


THE COFFEE CUP SCENE! I love it. The sticky notes, the high-maintenance band, talking to Jasper- it’s perfect. And all the rambling weird justifications for everything, and the letters, hahaha, I loved this part. That and Rob freaking out were welcome bits of comedy in what felt like a heavy chapter to me.


Waiting for the End will be perfect, and “telling” the band by kissing is just about the perfect way to do that, even if it wasn’t intentional. I’m so sad this is almost over. :(

From: hearts.on.fire

Date: 2019-07-30

Chapter: 16

I love all of Chester's interactions with Jasper! I can totally see Chester having full on discussions with pets exactly like that. So cute!


I'm really proud of Brad. Even though he obviously has his doubts and Chester and Mike choosing to really be together wasn't what he was expecting, he knew that they both needed his support and that's exactly what he gave. It was a touching moment.


I guess kissing in front of the band is one way to break the ice lol! And Rob's yadda-yadda-yadda cracked me up!!!


I'm sad to see this story end but I'm looking forward to reading how you wrap it up. I wonder how all the other guys take it and I'm nervous about the wives too now that the initial shock is over. Excited to see how it all pans out!

From: Esmeralda

Date: 2019-07-26

Chapter: 16

Thank you! Thank you! I read this chapter several days ago however never left a worth review.. I felt a desperate need of going back to it after reading you last chapter of 'Devils drop'.. my bennoda heart was in need of some healing and I knew I would find it here. Needless to say, you did again an amazing job here with their reunion sex... it was all I was expecting.. tender, cute, nervous and adorably hot.


After all these years, they were able to prove to each other they are still deeply in love, and now they both know is not just a physical attraction, this is real LOVE. They both willingly dropped their wives and were able to stay the difficult process of separating from their children just to be with each other. Chester saying all those things about himself that make him difficult to live with.. Lol you had me laughing, that's exactly how I imagine Chester. But Mike knows all of that already, right? So not sure why is he so worried.


I loved every single line on this chapter... from Mike freaking out while waiting impatiently for Chester, to the awkward (but really hot) foreplay scene. And when Mike called Chester a beautifully handsome man, my heart just melted. I cannot wait to read more of this, please update soon! Hugs.

From: hearts.on.fire

Date: 2019-07-16

Chapter: 16

Ugh, I loved catching up on this! This chapter was really well written, I loved all of it! Mike being all anxious and freaking is himself out while waiting for Chester was great. Aww him being embarrassed about the sad old man glasses was sweet. When Chester did come in and didn't say anything at first I was a little nervous. But then when Chester just started rattling off all the reasons he was hard to live with and you could just tell how nervous and scared they both were. Never has the phrase "It smells like kiwis!" held so much emotion 😄. Everything about the slash seen was wonderful. It felt so intimate. I loved how it was awkward, first with the cast and Chester wanting to be on his side, and then with everything that comes along with being their first time in a loooonnng time. And it was definitely hot too, mmmm. Very glad you went with the more realistic approach rather than everything goes perfectly and it's the hottest sex that ever was approach. It really said a lot about their feelings towards each other. It was beautiful!! I'm anxiously awaiting more! I'm nervous to see how things will go from here, God I hope they can be happy together and make it through all the drama.

From: halvlang

Date: 2019-07-16

Chapter: 16

Never apologise for too many words when a chapter like this follows. Because, this was so damn hot, mind-blowing, freaking good, so needed...


Wow. Just wow. How cautious they were and at the same time just went for it. Seriously, that's exactly how I would imagine a reunion after so many years. They know each other so well and they know what they need and want and finally, after so many years and so much emotional pain, they managed to get to a place they both want to be. Together.

From: mermaid_life87

Date: 2019-07-15

Chapter: 16

Yay for Bennoda reunion sex!! :D :D lol I was sooo hoping for it and you didn’t disappoint. As soon as I saw the slash warning, I was ready ;) And I know you’ve said before that you worry about your slash but you shouldn’t. I love it. It’s always hot. *gives you a trophy for always well written smut* haha


Now, onto other things...the moment Chester asked Mike if they’re boyfriends now...I can’t. But in a totally good way. <3 That sticks out to me as a favorite moment just for the sheer cuteness factor.


Other favorite things: Mike saying he’s never been “stuck with Chester”, Mike missing Chester’s lip ring, how they pretty much slipped easily into their old routine, Mike worrying about Chester seeing him in his “grandpa” glasses, and Chester saying he’s going to freak the fuck out since this is his first time in so long lol Made me laugh.


If you can’t tell, I’m tired while writing this review :p lol But I adored this chapter. You made my Bennoda heart very, very happy. <3 Looking forward to the next update!

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