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I Wish It Wasn't So by Penelope_Ink

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From: lpfan503

Date: 2019-08-23

Chapter: 18

Ready for a lazy list review?


1 - Mike’s convo with Jason. (I love all mentions of Jason in stories now!) This is soooo important. Jason is totally cool with Mike’s choice of Chester. Mike’s mom will be fine, she’s just hurt she didn’t know first. And Mike’s dad reacted exactly the way I would have expected based on his reaction to Mike overdosing. It’s not what he expected from his son and that initial let down/disappointment comes across as anger and stonewalling. I am glad to know he will come around, but I can tell it really hurts Mike.


2 - All of the dog/pool drama, and then Mike calling them inside the way we all talk to dogs is so cute. I can imagine him feeling ridiculous the first few times he talks to the dogs this way, but when Chester hears it he will love it, and he’ll love Mike even more (if that’s possible.)


3 - Your description of moving and all that chaos is spot on. I’m like Chester. I stay up late unpacking because I just can’t deal with the upheaval.


4 - I love that Ryan and Amir bailed before it was time to get to the couch moving. :) I feel like that was calculated.


5 - Brad’s realization that Mike was better. <3 I’m so glad Mike is better. I was worried for him. And speaking of better… where is the unicorn blanket?


6 - Jaime being there for Chester is sweet. I love how he got embarassed about the shower, that is exactly how boys that age act about their parents talking about sex, directly or implied. Perfect. I also feel like it is very in character for his other boys to not be there. His thoughts about Ryan and Amir being Chester and Talinda’s friends, and the band being Chester’s friends, caught me by surprise. I guess in my head, I picture them all being friends all the time. But it makes sense. In real life our friends are not always friends with our other friends.


7 - I think this is my favorite paragraph: “The comment hit every single one of them at the same time, like they were all suddenly asked a complicated math problem. Their heads tilted, and Joe put his hand to his chin, stroking his goatee while Rob’s eyebrows narrowed in thought. What would showering in the rain be like? Rob wasn’t sure, but it looked like he wasn’t the only one confused.” Haha, Roobbbbbbbb!!!!


8 - Mike and the animals made me laugh. I wouldn’t want to have sex with a room full of animals watching me either, but we all know Mike is going to do it anyway, and those animals aren’t going anywhere so he better get used to it. Haha, poor Mike, he’s already using sappy dog calling voices and petting the cats. ;)


9 - Chester and Mike being so playful on the bed, I love them. LOVE THEM. Of course you stopped, because that’s so you, so there better be some slash in the last chapter.


10 - I can’t believe it’s the last chapter. :(

From: JellyfishLP

Date: 2019-08-23

Chapter: 18

Aw, I really liked this chapter!


Firstly, Mike's conversation with Jason was so important because it shows how his family reacted to Mike now living with Chester, and that his parents will eventually come around. Secondly, the scene inside the house with all the trouble and stress that moving from one place to another brings...


Then the conversation between Jamie and the guys...I think it was a great idea to also show how Chester's kids (or in this case only Jamie and what was said about Draven later) react to this whole thing. He's got lots of kids in different ages, and I guess it can be dificult to understand for a kid that daddy suddenly loves a man.


Also Mike's feelings about living in a house with that many animals xD They definitely need to leave the bedroom, in my opinion xD What was really cute were his thoughts about being curious what he doesn't know about Chester yet and will find out only now that they live together. I thought that was really adorable :)


Please update soon :)

From: halvlang

Date: 2019-08-22

Chapter: 18

Moving can be a pain in the ass and I totally agree with everyone who suggested to hire someone for this! Why would you not do that if money is not a problem?? "Bounding"... Seriously, Mike... I love you but I strongly disagree here!

That needed to be said, I've moved so often (my own stuff and helping friends) and there is nothing more annoying then carrying heavy furniture around and this was triggering me on a whole new level :P


But all the guys helping (well... despite Mike), that was great. And also that Jamie showed up. Even though he is not sure what to think, I bet it meant a lot to Ches and also Mike. You know, Ches' kids will forgive him at some point, he is their dad, no matter what. But they also have to accept Mike as the new partner and that might be a bit more difficult, for the kids and Mike. Just to adjust and hope that they will love him unconditionally as well one day. I loved how the guys had this serious talk with Jamie, even when not being that close. it shows that there is a certain level of trust involved.


Mike on the phone with Jay.. That was a heavy start into an otherwise more light chapter. I really hope Mike's parents come around. I just remember how upset Muto was when they first arrived at the hospital but he needs to see that Ches is what Mike needs and that it makes his son happier than he has ever been. Good to know that Jay is at least supportive.


And now I will bike to work and picture Ches, Mike and all the kids hanging out on the couch and I also fit in all the other guys, just to have a complete mental picture of how great, loving, cosy and wonderful their life together is going to be!

From: mermaid_life87

Date: 2019-08-02

Chapter: 17

My two favorite moments from this chapter:


1.) Mike’s head in Chester’s lap and their conversation. <3 And how Chester manages to be so honest but so reassuring all at the same time. What a beautiful, tender moment between them. I may or may not have read that part alone a couple times. ;) Oh, and Mike saying, “This is why I’m better with you”...*happy sigh*


2.) Chester with Jasper. Like others have said, you truly captured Chester’s personality and it was heart warming to read. Totally brought to mind the pics/videos I’ve seen of Chester interacting with Jasper in RL. :) A very nice added touch.


The yadda-yadda with Rob! :D Definitely laughed out loud! hahaha Poor, confused Bourdie lol


I love Chester’s speech to Brad about Mike, how much they love each other, and how they’re both going to be okay now. And then Brad giving his support...I swear my Bennoda heart was ready to burst.


I will be sad to see this go. But, at the same time, it means something new to look forward to from you and I’m always ready for that. :) I adore your writing. <3

From: Esmeralda

Date: 2019-08-02

Chapter: 17

Aww what you are doing to me with this fic! I love it so so much... I always knew Mike loved Otis but he was just afraid, terrified of being a dad, and also Otis was the symbol of being closer to Anna and farther away from Chester, so I understand why the regrets of having him in the first place. But once a child is here, no matter what, is a part of you that you cannot leave behind. I just can picture how awesome it would be when Mike and Ches are together with all the kids. ❤


And those scenes with Mike watching Chester talk to Jasper... sooo cute and that little conversation on Chester's lap, it was so intimate and his advice to Mike so reassuring.. it certainly helped a lot to provide the much needed courage to talk to Brad and the guys... and then Brad again watching Chester, I just could picture a whole scene with RL Chester having that serious conversation with Jasper about the coffee cups and his picky bandmates, he was just unbelievably cute and crazy.. impossible not to fall in love with his personality.


I'm really glad Brad was supportive and I know the other guys would be too... the only one that I was actually afraid of not being supportive was Brad.. since he is well.. he is Brad lol, but the other guys most likely won't give any trouble. The involuntary kiss in front of them will make part of their job of telling them easier and I know everybody at least already suspect there may be some kind of feelings between Mike and Chester even though no one admits it. Please please update soon, I don't want this fic to ever end, but cannot wait for the next chapter.

From: JellyfishLP

Date: 2019-08-01

Chapter: 17

Oh God, I absolutely loved this chapter! (Okay, I loved all of them, but this one was special)


Mike finally realizing that he doesn't hate Otis, and that he wants to be there for him was sooo beautiful. I know that a lot of reviewers have said that already, but it's true. I'm sure that Mike and Ches will be wonderful daddies for Otis and also for Chester's kids.


Then, the rest of the chapter, which was amazing as well. I loved the coffee scene where Brad just stands there and watches Chester prepapare the coffee cups for everyone and talks to the dog! The ending was great, too. Now that they (accidentally) kissed in front of everyone, they'll have a lot of explaining to do, but I'm sure it will all turn out well, please update soon :)

From: halvlang

Date: 2019-07-31

Chapter: 16

I need a list. I definitely need a list. I know I write a lot of lists lately, but every time I read a chapter like this, a chapter were I have my emotions going in all directions, I want to capture all of it and a list seems the only way. So, here we go:


1.) Mike thinking about Otis. I think this was so heartbreaking but also so important. For Mike, realising that he actually does love his son and that he wants to be there for him. Also for Ches, who can now see that Mike is really better and that the feeling of just leaving everyone behind and taking an overdose, is something in the past.


2.) Ches and Jasper, probably the best conversations someone ever wrote! And by conversations I mean Chester's non-stop rambling. It's just adorable. I had to laugh and smile and I could picture every minute of it, which was beautiful!


3.) The observation by Mike that Ches has so much love to give. It is so true, it captures Chester's real life personality so good and while I write this I might be crying and I'm not sure if it's sad or happy tears because knowing that he gave all this love is beautiful and knowing that he isn't anymore is heartbreaking.


4.) The shared moment with Mike's head in Ches' lap. It was so tender and so fucking good. Seriously, the honesty of their words, the affection they show, the closeness and all the love... wow... just wow... (definitely tears on my side, and definitely happy tears this time)


5.) Brad. Or first of all, Mike defending Brad's love for Ches and then Brad being a great friend. Even though he didn't expect it, he is there for Mike and I was so happy to read that he just accepted it. That's the reinsurance that Mike needs. I mean he is sure about all of this but knowing that his best friend is having is back still needs to help him out to move forward with everything.


6.) I love how they just switch from "I'm getting a divorce and so does Ches, we are moving, etc." to "this song really needs..." Come on guys, seriously?! I mean it made me laugh and it shows so well how it goes sometimes, that there is nothing more to say and that you just move on with daily life and tasks. Which is good, but also kind of hilarious in this situation.


7.) Brad and Ches. Also, just wow. It went completely opposite, from a nonsense discussion about their coffee-cups-order to Chester's speech about how much he loves Mike. Brad is right, that were wonderful words. He should keep parts of that for his weeding vow ;) And then the hug and Brad's word of support for Ches as well and awwww... I was melting!


8.) The guys. Seriously, I was laughing sooooo much when Rob just starts with the yadda-yadda-thing! I had forgotten about it and it took me a second to realise why he is saying it and then I realised and it made me crack. Everything about this last few paragraphs did, especially Brads last sentence. Again "something about music, something about the guys". Let's just mix everything and see where it ends! And Mike "you guys...". It is soooo in character for him to say that. It always reminds me of the moment of the Cologne show last year, after he realised the flashmob he also said "you guys..." in this one special tone that is stuck in my head forever. So that moment was replaying in my mind and I had to force myself to come back to the story to read the last sentences and then I jut laughed even more about Brad.


9.) The description of how Mike feels after the kiss, the description how they actually end up kissing in the hallway, the intimacy between them and the pull towards each other... that was just perfection. Nothing more and nothing less. Just perfection.

From: lpfan503

Date: 2019-07-30

Chapter: 16

The first three paragraphs of this cut me right to the heart. All of the guilt Mike was feeling about leaving Otis, that was particularly hard for me to read. I was thinking about how it all could have been avoided if Mike had been honest ten years ago. But - then he wouldn’t have Otis, so it’s fine. It’s just hard. I teared up with Mike, seriously.


Ah, Chester and the animals. I think you captured that essence really well. He was so cute talking to Jasper, and I love the connection Mike mad with how Chester would be loving on Otis if he were there, and also how Chester could teach him how to be a dad. The picture he came up with in his head was too cute, of them with all the boys.


This is so tender to me and I love every word of it:


“He sat quietly as Mike motioned for him to open his legs. The singer did it, and Mike got as close as he could, on his knees, his arms reaching out to wrap around Chester’s waist. “Or this works,” the singer whispered as Mike laid his head on Chester’s leg. Immediately Chester’s fingers went to Mike’s floppy hair, brushing it out of the way. “Penny for your thoughts.”


Mike sighed. “You might have to take out a loan then, if you want to hear everything.”


Chester smiled softly as he petted Mike’s head, picking a lock of hair up, and then letting it fall before doing it all over again.”


That’s just beautiful writing. <3 I love how open Mike is and how honest Chester is about the situation, but also reassuring. It’s such a wonderful moment between them.


Mike and Chester’s new confidence in the whole situation is SO good to read after all the chapters of pining and indecision and uncertainty. Brad seemed to take it fine - even the thoughts of how it would impact the six of them and the whole LP operation and fans. I’m glad they have his support, especially since Chester worries that Brad hates him, and blamed Ches for Mike’s OD even if he didn’t say it exactly. (I wonder how Mike’s parents are going to take all of this…)


THE COFFEE CUP SCENE! I love it. The sticky notes, the high-maintenance band, talking to Jasper- it’s perfect. And all the rambling weird justifications for everything, and the letters, hahaha, I loved this part. That and Rob freaking out were welcome bits of comedy in what felt like a heavy chapter to me.


Waiting for the End will be perfect, and “telling” the band by kissing is just about the perfect way to do that, even if it wasn’t intentional. I’m so sad this is almost over. :(

From: hearts.on.fire

Date: 2019-07-30

Chapter: 16

I love all of Chester's interactions with Jasper! I can totally see Chester having full on discussions with pets exactly like that. So cute!


I'm really proud of Brad. Even though he obviously has his doubts and Chester and Mike choosing to really be together wasn't what he was expecting, he knew that they both needed his support and that's exactly what he gave. It was a touching moment.


I guess kissing in front of the band is one way to break the ice lol! And Rob's yadda-yadda-yadda cracked me up!!!


I'm sad to see this story end but I'm looking forward to reading how you wrap it up. I wonder how all the other guys take it and I'm nervous about the wives too now that the initial shock is over. Excited to see how it all pans out!

From: Esmeralda

Date: 2019-07-26

Chapter: 16

Thank you! Thank you! I read this chapter several days ago however never left a worth review.. I felt a desperate need of going back to it after reading you last chapter of 'Devils drop'.. my bennoda heart was in need of some healing and I knew I would find it here. Needless to say, you did again an amazing job here with their reunion sex... it was all I was expecting.. tender, cute, nervous and adorably hot.


After all these years, they were able to prove to each other they are still deeply in love, and now they both know is not just a physical attraction, this is real LOVE. They both willingly dropped their wives and were able to stay the difficult process of separating from their children just to be with each other. Chester saying all those things about himself that make him difficult to live with.. Lol you had me laughing, that's exactly how I imagine Chester. But Mike knows all of that already, right? So not sure why is he so worried.


I loved every single line on this chapter... from Mike freaking out while waiting impatiently for Chester, to the awkward (but really hot) foreplay scene. And when Mike called Chester a beautifully handsome man, my heart just melted. I cannot wait to read more of this, please update soon! Hugs.

From: hearts.on.fire

Date: 2019-07-16

Chapter: 16

Ugh, I loved catching up on this! This chapter was really well written, I loved all of it! Mike being all anxious and freaking is himself out while waiting for Chester was great. Aww him being embarrassed about the sad old man glasses was sweet. When Chester did come in and didn't say anything at first I was a little nervous. But then when Chester just started rattling off all the reasons he was hard to live with and you could just tell how nervous and scared they both were. Never has the phrase "It smells like kiwis!" held so much emotion 😄. Everything about the slash seen was wonderful. It felt so intimate. I loved how it was awkward, first with the cast and Chester wanting to be on his side, and then with everything that comes along with being their first time in a loooonnng time. And it was definitely hot too, mmmm. Very glad you went with the more realistic approach rather than everything goes perfectly and it's the hottest sex that ever was approach. It really said a lot about their feelings towards each other. It was beautiful!! I'm anxiously awaiting more! I'm nervous to see how things will go from here, God I hope they can be happy together and make it through all the drama.

From: halvlang

Date: 2019-07-16

Chapter: 16

Never apologise for too many words when a chapter like this follows. Because, this was so damn hot, mind-blowing, freaking good, so needed...


Wow. Just wow. How cautious they were and at the same time just went for it. Seriously, that's exactly how I would imagine a reunion after so many years. They know each other so well and they know what they need and want and finally, after so many years and so much emotional pain, they managed to get to a place they both want to be. Together.

From: mermaid_life87

Date: 2019-07-15

Chapter: 16

Yay for Bennoda reunion sex!! :D :D lol I was sooo hoping for it and you didn’t disappoint. As soon as I saw the slash warning, I was ready ;) And I know you’ve said before that you worry about your slash but you shouldn’t. I love it. It’s always hot. *gives you a trophy for always well written smut* haha


Now, onto other things...the moment Chester asked Mike if they’re boyfriends now...I can’t. But in a totally good way. <3 That sticks out to me as a favorite moment just for the sheer cuteness factor.


Other favorite things: Mike saying he’s never been “stuck with Chester”, Mike missing Chester’s lip ring, how they pretty much slipped easily into their old routine, Mike worrying about Chester seeing him in his “grandpa” glasses, and Chester saying he’s going to freak the fuck out since this is his first time in so long lol Made me laugh.


If you can’t tell, I’m tired while writing this review :p lol But I adored this chapter. You made my Bennoda heart very, very happy. <3 Looking forward to the next update!

From: lpfan503

Date: 2019-07-14

Chapter: 16

This will probably be short, for me. Because this chapter is 90% foreplay, which I adore, and all I can really do is quote favorite lines and stuff, which is probably annoying.


BUT - I do have to say, I adore how they both have their glasses on, just like the first time they had sex without a condom. Two monumental moments in their relationship, and it doesn’t matter that Mike has on his grandpa glasses. I love the parallel of how Mike is thinking - well, this is me, take it or leave it - and Chester has his emotional word-vomit of all his shortcomings and the bottom line is, none of that matters because they are deeply in love. Despite the adorableness of this chapter, I can’t help but think how awful the last 10 years must have been for them. Both repressing all those feelings, and having to be together so much. The rise of the band and all the success, and not being able to share all of that excitement with the person you’re in love with… ugh. My heart breaks!! BUT - they are together now! <3


(Now, I don’t want this to end all sad so I’ll sneak this in here… the sunshine part… makes me think of real life Mike and the song he wrote and how I’ll never, ever forget how his voiced sounded singing “is there sunshine where you are” for as long as I live.)


Ok. Sorry.


I also love every little sprinkle of thoughts they had about 10 years passing, or things you narrated, like not touching Chester’s stomach for 10 years, or seeing Mike naked, or Mike having more hair, or how they weighed more, or how their bodies were more filled out. Just. YES. You did this so well. That’s exactly what it’s like when you see the person you’ve been holding a torch for after a long time.


Ok. So, my favorite bits:


→ Mike calling his contact a little fucker. Haha, that sounds like something that would come out of my mouth.


→ Mike opened his eyes to see Chester looking back at him. “It’s gone,” he whispered, and before he could stop himself, he was swiping his thumb just under Chester’s bottom lip, right over the small scar that lived there. “I knew it was,” he amended absently, his eyes fixed. “I kinda miss it.” ← ahhhh, i love this so much.


→ Mike saying he’s never been stuck with Chester. OMG, I was smiling. <3


→ Mike calling Chester a beautifully handsome man. God. So right!!


→ Mike teasing Ches a little. LOVE IT.


→ I love how they went into their “routine” of sorts, and how normal it felt. You did such a good job of this reunion sex feeling like coming home.


→ “Let me love you, Chessy. I’ve been waiting to do this for ten long fucking years.” ← omg, tears this is so fucking sweet! *dies*


→ OH!! Also how it’s raining, and Mike’s watching the water droplets run down the windows, and how it was like that the first time they kissed and had sex facing each other. <3


This is such a great chapter. I love every bit of it. Totally worth the (very impatient, very whiny) wait.

From: JellyfishLP

Date: 2019-07-14

Chapter: 16

Yesssss, an update! I've been hoping you'd update this, and finally a new chapter is here! I absolutely loved it, and I don't really know what to say, but I'm trying to write a decent review, anyway.


That moment when Mike was worried about Ches seeing him in his 'grandfather glasses' was so funny, and I could relate to it because I, too, used to wear contacts and the first time letting my bf see me with my glasses on was something I stressed myself over xD I think everyone who wears contacts and glasses can somehow relate to that :)


Then their first time having sex after ten years...omg, I melted, it was so cute! I loved everything about it, because you described it so perfectly. It was adorable and hot at the same time.


Please update soon, I love this story!

From: Esmeralda

Date: 2019-06-26

Chapter: 15

I gotta admit I definitely loved Chester's mantra when he was heading to Mike's hotel room. He was freaking out but really trying to be calm. Who wouldn't be freaking out? The unimaginable finally happened. It is a huge step for their relationship. Mike was finally able to confess to Anna. And I was doubting myself that Chester would talk to Tal. I'm glad he did.


Mike's shock about Chester's attitude is surprising. I loved this paragraph: "Chester wasn’t snuggling next to him, showering him in Chester kisses. There was zero playfulness coming off the singer, not on his face and not in his tone." Well Mike, of course he wouldn't do any of that after what you did to him in the past. Let's admit it that break up was awful and cruel, even if that was not Mike's intention.


Im glad Chester came clean to Talinda and told her the truth. I felt for her since she seems like a good person and definitely she didn't see this coming. She has been an amazing wife and I understand being with Chester cannot be easy at all. I'm also glad she asked him if he was having an affair for the third time and that he was able to tell her no. So it came in handy that they didn't have sex on the hotel room. All of this will make for the bennoda make up sex session to be as amazing as I imagine it would be. Please update soon.

From: halvlang

Date: 2019-06-24

Chapter: 15

I totally wanted them to jump each other and have hot sex in that hotel room - but this was way more in character and also made way more sense seeing the story line :D It's just that my Bennoda-heart was really happy after Mike broke up and especially after knowing how bad it had hurt them last time they decided not to be together. So having them together, happy and safe, is my priority.

But, again, this chapter made total sense and I really really loved it! It shows how serious they are about making this work. It also shows that Chester's mind is all over the place and that are the parts I like the most. Because it reflects so well on the state of mind a really energetic but also struggling person can be in.

The last part was hard again, reading how hurt Talinda is. But again, Mike and Ches are my priority and all that matters is that they fix their mistakes from the past!

From: ninja

Date: 2019-06-23

Chapter: 15

I love this nickname "Chessy" did I already say that?

anyway...

I'msad Talinda is hurt, probably didn't see it coming, I hope she can get over it and not become a b**** after the divorce...


And Mike needs to bond with his son, I'm sure he can be a great dad

From: JellyfishLP

Date: 2019-06-23

Chapter: 15

Another awesome chapter! And of course did Anna call Talinda after what Mike told her...but atleast now we can have bennoda love. The divorces are gonna be hard, but now they're happy with each other. I'm convinced that Mike will even bond with Otis and see that his son doesn't hate him. For a moment, I was seriously scared that Chester wouldn't want to tell Talinda the truth, but after Anna had called, he had to tell her, anyway.


Please update soon, I love this story :)

From: mermaid_life87

Date: 2019-06-19

Chapter: 15

Sooo excited to see this update! I totally understand life gets busy but I was definitely missing your updates so I’m glad you had the time to do so. :)


I’m not sure how many chapters are left but I’m feeling more hopeful for a happy ending now. The two biggest hurdles-telling Anna and Talinda-are out of the way. I feel like they can finally move forward. And I have to second lpfan, please give us some awesome Bennoda sex? Pretty please with a cherry on top? :p I’ve been wanting it for awhile but Chester just had to do things the right way *rolls eyes* lol In all seriousness though, I love that about this Chester. I really do. He stuck to his guns and it’s so admirable. I could hug him for it. <3


Even with how much I want my Bennoda, my heart broke for Talinda. :( She has been through a lot with Chester. There’s no denying that. But, again, Chester did as right by her as he could by not cheating and coming clean. That’s a little bit of solace. At least for the reader, if not for Talinda.


For a brief moment, part of me wondered if Chester was going to go through with telling Talinda. Like, I thought, what if Mike does what he did, fixing his mistake from years ago, but now Chester can’t do it?!? Like, what if you were just setting up this vicious irony?? I tell you, I really felt like I may have a heart attack. I’m really glad that’s not the case. It would have been too much and I don’t know if I could have finished reading.


In summary, I loved this chapter. I feel like I can breathe a sigh of relief and rest easy now lol I hope I’m not wrong. I need Mike and Chester to be happy. Happy and together. <3


Please update soon!

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