LPfiction

Category Linkin Park

Quiet Heart by hattu

I’m back! This is just a little songfic inspired by the song “Quiet Heart” from Kent. I’m not really pleased with this but I decided to post it anyway.


And to the Readers and Reviewers from my last fic “Eobane”: I know not everyone was pleased with the ending and I’m still thinking about writing a sequel. I’m not sure about that cause I wanted it to end this way from the beginning…we will see.


So now I hope you will enjoy this one. Tell me what do you think!


And a huge thanks to Haga who kindly forced me to write and reading it over. Thanks! *hugs*


And also a huge thanks to .bennizzle.jizzel. for reading it over and turning my horrible grammar into something readable. Thank you so much! *hugs*


Oh and this is fiction! The Lyrics belong to Kent!


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Quiet Heart



I was lucky. Oh I was so lucky that you came into my life. You saved me, you really did. I’m sure that if you hadn’t found me that fateful day two years ago in the High school bathroom, I wouldn’t be here.


There was a time when I was lost in myself


I don’t know what made you do it, but you picked up the crying mess that I was and brought me to your home. You didn’t ask any questions, you just held me till I calmed down and fell asleep in your bed.


You took my hand, became my guide


When I woke up it was already morning again. I was so confused and scared…I couldn’t really remember you taking me home. You explained what happened. I was still scared but somehow I didn’t run away as I normally would have. I stayed. You offered me a shower, some clothes and breakfast. And you did everything without asking one single question and for that I was thankful. And since that day you were there. I was scared at first, because no one had ever treated me that nice and with such respect before. You were a grade under me but that didn’t bother you. It still seems like a wonder to but somehow you managed to gain my trust very quickly.


There was a time you needed my help


You protected me, you were my shoulder to cry on and you always made me smile. You introduced me to Mike, which was kinda weird because Mike was in my year, but I was never very social and didn’t know anybody from my year. I just didn’t trust people.


I guess my ego made me blind


You helped me to trust Mike and become friends with him, even though there was nobody I trusted more than you. You and Mike never asked why I was so messed up and I know you both were dying to know why. But you two knew exactly how far to push me and when you had to stop. You helped me get myself together and start living again. I never told you what was wrong and I doubt that I ever will. It’s not that I didn’t trust you; I just don’t have the strength to live through everything again. You two helped me to cope and live with everything.


It's not the rain, it's not the streetlights


Especially you, Rob. I not only found a friend and lifesaver in you. No, I found my first big love in you. I was so scared that my feelings would drive you away, so I kept them to myself. I couldn’t lose you. I hated myself for feeling this way, but you can't change your feelings, right?


That makes your skin so pale at night


But you were smart and you could read me like an open book. You figured it out very quickly and then you took the first step. I was so relieved that you felt the same way. But I was also very frightened and shy because this was all so new. Again you found a way into my twisted little mind and got me to open up. You really helped me a lot so that I slowly found myself and I came to terms with my feelings and my life. I slowly developed some self confidence which made you very happy.


It's your quiet heart and your silence


Days, weeks and months passed. School went; college came, well for me and Mike. You still had a year of school left. Mike went to the art college and I attended law school. New school, new friends. I met Dave and Mike met Joe. I was so proud of myself that I managed to trust somebody and become friends with…maybe I was too proud…


As your teardrops stain my sheets


We still dated and I still loved you with all my heart. But I wasn’t as smart as you and I couldn’t read you like a book. So I failed to notice your sadness and I was blind to your pain. I never heard the hurt in your voice.


Let's take a trip through the wires


Mike did. You told him how horrible school without us was. How your parents found out you were gay. How they played happy family in front of everyone but turned cold towards you when nobody was around. How they threatened to let anyone know you were gay. That you didn’t know what to do and that you felt so alone.


Your dream is gone you are free


Mike told me everything, but I still failed to notice. I brushed everything aside. I thought it was enough that you had me. The fact that you were my boyfriend would comfort you enough. That I would help you through this like you helped me. But there was one major difference; I wasn’t by your side. I was in college you were at home and we rarely met. The telephone was our contact. But you were never a person of many words, I was.


Stay free


Even as this whole band thing became more apparent and we met more frequently because of practise, I failed to notice how sad and lonely you felt. But I still loved you with all my heart and you did everything for me. You made me accept myself more and more. So I got more and more comfortable with my life….maybe too comfortable


There was a time I had your life in my hands


I got over my shyness. I started to enjoy college life. Meeting new people and partying. I spent hours telling you how great my life was. Who I met, who I talked to, who I danced with, who brought me a drink, who I brought a drink and so on and so on. I never once asked how you were. I never asked you what was going on in your life. Who you met, who you talked to, how school was or just simply let you talk.


And you had life left in your eyes


But that was just the beginning. I started to enjoy the parties and all these nice new people too much. I was always busy so we only saw each other and talked during band practise and there of course wasn’t exactly much time. I see this now but I didn’t see it then.


There was a time I got your hiding inside


Sadly I had began to like some of my college buddies more than I should. You heard rumours and stories about me and these stories didn’t really fit in the picture you had of me. You heard I probably “loved” the whole campus. I made myself very rare so you had trouble to reach me. You wanted the truth, so you asked Mike, still believing strongly in your perfect picture of me. Mike would only tell you that I haven't had slept with the whole campus…but that I wasn’t completely innocent and that you should ask me which of the rumours were true and which were false. You told Mike you would ask me and that there was nothing to worry about. You knew me and you were sure you could trust me. Mike, in contrast, knew the truth because he had seen a bit. He tried to prepare you but there was nothing that would have prepared you. So he sent you to me.


From something shining through the blinds


Mike called me and said you were on your way and I was as good as dead when I didn’t have the guts to tell you the truth. He told me that you were full of trust in me and it would hurt you bad to hear the truth. But I had to be honest.


It's not the shadows by the red lights


I dropped all my plans I had that day and waited for you. I dreaded the moment you would come through that door. Because I finally realized that what I was doing wasn’t right. You arrived and you were so happy to find me at home, you had expected to wait for me. I looked into your eyes and became scared, because they were so full of love and trust. And I, the stupid idiot, broke that trust and stomped on the love. You said we needed to talk and I agreed so we sat down in the living room.


That makes my skin crawl late at night


You told me you loved and trusted me and that you were sure that I wouldn’t do such things but you needed to know for sure. And so you told me all the stories you heard and asked me if they were true.


It's your quiet heart and your silence


With every story I got more and more ashamed and disgusted with myself. They weren’t all true but they weren’t all false either. I took a deep breath, looked in you eyes and said I was sorry but some of them were true.


As your teardrops stain my sheets


I swear I will never forget the look on you face. I could see in your eyes how your heart shattered into a million pieces and I became more and more aware of what I had done to you and how blind I had been in the last few months. You whispered you wanted the whole truth that you needed to know everything. I didn’t want to tell you but I knew I had to be honest. So I told you everything and with every story your eyes got more and more dead and your tears just kept flowing.


Let's take a trip through the wires


It killed me to see you like this. I asked myself the whole time how could I be so cruel? How could I be so stupid? How could I hurt you so badly? I loved you, didn’t I? Yes I did! Even though I did all these horrible things I was sure that I still loved you.


Your dream is gone you are free


When I was finished you sat there silently crying for a few minutes. I didn’t dare touch you for comfort, I was sure I would drive you further away than comfort you. I was thinking of calling Mike when you looked at me. You asked me if I still loved you. I answered yes. This answer brought a short flash of hope in your eyes but it disappeared as quickly as it came. You asked if I was sure and again I answered yes.


It's not the rain it's not the streetlights


We sat in silence for a few minutes or hours, I don’t know. When your eyes started to drop I said that you needed sleep that we could talk in the morning if you still wanted to talk to me. I said I would understand if you never wanted to talk to me again. I offered you my bedroom and said that I would take the couch but I could also call a taxi or Mike if you wouldn’t want to stay. You stood up silently and walked in my bedroom, closed the door and locked it. I don’t know how much sleep you got that night but I’m sure it wasn’t much because I heard you crying and sobbing for hours.


That makes your skin so pale at night


The next morning I waited patiently in the living room. When you finally came out you looked tired, lost and kinda broken. You said that you were angry, that you wanted to hate me but you couldn’t because you still loved me too damn much. You said there were no words that could describe how disappointed you were.


It's your quiet heart and your silence


I told you that I was sorry, that I didn’t know how I could be so stupid, that there were no words which could describe the stupidity of my actions. That I didn’t deserve your love, let alone your forgiveness. I said that I wanted you to give me a second chance, but that I would understand when you wouldn’t grant me that chance. That I would understand if you wanted it to end there.


As your teardrops stain my sheets


For a few minutes you were silent again. Then you said you couldn’t leave me because you loved me too much. You weren’t sure if you could forgive me but you would try. You were also scared to trust me again, because you feared you’d be hurt again.


Let's take a trip through the wires


I promised that I would change. I said I understood that you couldn’t forgive me and that it was okay. That I understood your fear and that I would work to gain your trust again. And I said I wouldn’t hurt you again. I really believed my words. I wanted to change because I still loved you. You smiled and that you would give us another chance and that I’d better not screw this one up.


Your dream is gone you are free


We celebrated and I used the next few weeks to show you how much I loved you and how grateful I was for this second chance. I did everything; surprise candle light dinner, a day at the beach, a weekend in a cabin, late night walks in the park everything only with the two of us. We talked a lot, we fooled around, we made out and we did it all over my apartment.


It's your quiet heart and your silence


Everything was fine when we were together. But I didn’t succeed in gaining your trust again. Everything I did wasn’t enough. You were suspicious every time I went somewhere alone. I told myself that this was normal and understandable after everything I put you through but it would get better with the time. But it didn’t. I tried everything to show you that I learned from my mistakes, but nothing worked. I tired to convince myself that time would heal the wounds and someday you would trust me again. It didn’t become better. No, it became worse. With every week your suspicions got bigger, you threw accusations at me every time I came back from somewhere.


As your teardrops stain my sheets


I couldn’t even go to the supermarket without you accusing me of this and that. Your accusations hurt. I got scared to go out alone, because I wouldn’t risk losing you. You became more and more paranoid and I became more and more afraid.


Let's take a trip through the wires


I spent the last two weeks in our house on the living room couch. You wouldn’t let me sleep with you because I….I don’t know what I did… The only persons I dared to see were Mike, Joe, Dave and Chester and I was even scared to talk to them sometimes. I had never felt so lonely around friends. And even when I’m with you I feel lonely because you won’t let me do such small things like holding your hand anymore. I do everything to convince you that nothing happened since that afternoon, but my words don’t reach you. I asked Mike to talk to you, but he also failed.


It's your quiet heart and your silence


The only thing we do when we see each other us is fighting. Today I couldn’t bear it any longer. I had to see something different from our living room and I had to talk to people who aren’t in the band. So I went out. There was a party at the campus. It felt good to be under people again. I felt free again. The whole stress of the last weeks just fell of. I don’t know why but I invited this guy to come home with me, it just happened. Maybe my mind told me that you would accuse me anyway no matter what. I never wanted you to see what you saw but you had to come home early.


As your teardrops stain my sheets


Now you’re lying in our bedroom again crying your heart out. I’m sorry for having hurt you again. I regret that you saw everything, but I don’t regret that I did it. This whole day showed one thing; I don’t love you anymore. I’m sorry that I lost this feeling but I did.


Let's take a trip through the wires


I called Mike and told him everything. He is on his way. Mike told me that there is a record company that wants us. So the only thing I’m hoping for as I stand here at the door of the bedroom watching you is that we can be friends eventually.


Our love is dead, you are free


I destroyed your dream of our love. I don’t want to destroy Mike’s dream of his band just because I lost our love. I hope everything will be okay one day. We will see…


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Congratulations you made it till the end! I hope it was okay…

I would like to hear what you think.


Lyrics: Kent – Quiet Heart


Thanks for reading

hattu

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