So, here is my new story. Me, as a person, I am having very hard time going on, and I need to write it out. And that's the reason why i'm starting this story.

This is pretty much mix of angst, drama and love. If you feel uncomfortable reading stories like that, please don't read this story. But anyway I hope you like this.

Contains: Drugs, violence

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A tough feeling in my chest, I walked in a hallway of hell, aka my school. In the hall were lot of people. I felt embarrased and alone. I hate feeling alone. I hate to be lonely. No matter how hard I try, I always ruin my friendships. I feel lost and confused. I don't know what to do with my life. I'm bad at school. I can't do anything right. I try my best, but I just can't. I feel worthless. And invisible. No one sees me. I'm like air to the people.

A random person walked over me what caused me to drop my books on the floor. I sigh and watch my books, hearing that guy laughing and saying "Loser". I picked up my books and quickly walked to my locker.

I was wearing very skinny black jeans, with over sized black hoodie. Almost all my clothes are black. My hair is blonde, spiked up. I have one lipring, and stretched ears. I use lot of bracelets in my hands and chains in my jeans. My backbag, covered with punk badges.

My locker, what is covered with words "Fag" "Emo" "Loser" "Whore" and many many others. I don't know what I did wrong, why people does this to me?

I took my biology books and walked to the class. I hate biology. I sat on the fifth row, back seat, I put my headphones in my ears. Everyone else sat down, but not even near at me. No one even glanced at me.

And there he was. My crush. My love. A handsome young man, with soft black hair and beard, over sized jeans and black t shirt. Mike Shinoda. We have talked once, and that was when he asked "Where the fuck is biology class?". But after that, nothing.

He never notices me. I think he doesn't even know I exist anymore. Well, he's talented and has lot of friends, such a chick magnet. I wish he was gay but I think he's straight, because I have never seen him with a guy. All the girls are running after him. And i'm just a worthless fuck up, why would he want me?

*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*

Lunch break. The only time in school I actually like. I never eat at school, but I can be alone, out of the sight. When i'm literally alone, feeling alone doesn't feel that baf. Lunch break is the time when I can forget the other people, and their evil looks.

In my school, there is three floors. In the third floor's, there's only one class and other rooms are just storages. There is never people. I walked the stairs up, to the third floor. I went to the hall's back and sat down. Here literally is no one, just me.

I put hand to my pants pocket, finding the little sack of pills. I took two of them, throwing them to my mouth. I put the sack back to my pocket, and opened my backbag. My water bottle was there, just for the moments like now. I drank some water and swallowed the drugs.

I pulled my hood deep to my head, closed my eyes and hugged my knees. I was listening to music and I hummed quietly. Music is my escape. Well, music, drugs and self harm are my escapes. I don't have anything else.

But soon I have to leave to my next lesson, math. I walked to the first floor, again collected the evil looks and smirks. I just didn't give a fuck about them. I don't give a fuck about other people. My stomach screamed for food. I couldn't eat. I just can't. I will throw up.

I threw my back bag to my desk, the usual desk, in the fifth row, the corner. I buried my face to it. I didn't have my book with me. I always "forget" it.

The teacher came in and told us to show our homeworks. When she came front of me, I just stayed quiet.

"Let me guess, you forgot your books home? Or did your dog eat it again?" she asked disappointed.

"Sorry" I said quietly, teacher just waved her head and continued checking.

These teacher have some kind of site, where they put all the marks and things. And us and out parents can see them. I don't like that idea.

I heard some people made some jokes about me. Again. I tried to see who it was but I didn't see any signs of it. I sighed. Just tell me, what is wrong with this world? Why some idiots bully other people? Just why? What they get from it?

I took my cigarette dissolutions and the filters from my hoodie's pocket and started to roll up them. Yes, I do that in class. But guess what? No body cares, or sees. Not even teacher.

When the lesson was over, I stormed out of that class. The school was over. Today was the short day, only five lessons. Other days are from seven to eight lessons. I lighted my cigarette immediately when I left school boundaries. It was cloudy, normal autumn day. Autumn is my favorite season. Not too hot or too cold. I hate summer. It's too hot, and I always use long sleeves. Only long sleeves because I don't wanna show my scars to anyone. Even my family doesn't know.

And about my family. I'm the only child, and that sucks. I just feel more alone. My dad, Steve, physically abuses me. He beats me almost every night. I have told about it but he works as a police so no one believes me. My mom doesn't know about this.

My mom, Kim, is always drunk and verbally abuses me. She have said horrible things to me. She isn't lot of at home, she's always at bar or her friend's house. That just means more time for dad. And, of course, my dad doesn't know about what mom does. They don't know what they does to me. And no one believes me.

I'm always scared of going home. I turned to my home street. Anxiety surrounded my whole body. People who live on this street, they never show. And i'm the only sixteen here.

I saw my home - if you can call that home. It was about two at afternoon. I wish all my school days would be short as today, school makes me feel failure, sad and tired. Before opening the outer door, I sighed deeply. I pulled it open and smell of alcohol and cigarettes flew into my nose.

I quickly closed the door, walking straight into the stairs. I was middle of them, I heard footsteps behind me, and "Where the hell you think you're going?" said not-so-nice, low voice.

I immediately stopped moving. I think my heart skipped a beat. Turning around, I saw my dad.

"To my room" I said quietly.

"Why the hell you don't do your homeworks?! I know you know that I can see the marks! You're one idiot"

"T-They're hard, i'm sorry" I stuttered.

"My fucking god! That's why you're school! But you never do anything and you always listen your ridiculous music! You're seriously a failure!" he shouted.

"I'm sorry.." I said and continued walking.

I closed my room's door. Kicked my shoes off and dropped my jacket. My room is pretty small. My bed in the corner, little table next to it, my guitar, clothing cabinet and big window. A little lamp on the ceiling but it doesn't light any shit. Here is no free space, I can took three steps from my door to the bed and that's it. I wish I had a bigger room. I could maybe have more instruments here.

I fell on my bed, closing my eyes and hugging the pillow. This is rutine. I go hime from school, I start sleeping, wake up and around three am I go back to sleep. I wish I could sleep more, this really stresses me out.

I fell asleep pretty fast.

~~Break~~

I woke up, it was 7.30 pm. Nice. I watched out from my window and there was dark. I like darkness. I find something from it that comforts me.

I rubbed my face, thinking what I could do. There is ladders next to window, I could use them and escape for a walk. Or I could continue listening to music. Or just play guitar.

I decided to play guitar. I took it to my lap and found a pick from the table. I started playing my favorite song, while singing really quietly.

"In the crowd alone.

And every second passing reminds me I’m not home.

Bright lights and city sounds are ringing like a drone.

Unknown, unknown.

Oh, glazed eyes, empty hearts.

Buying happy from shopping carts.

Nothing but time to kill.

Sipping life from bottles.

Tight skin, bodyguards.

Gucci down the boulevard.

Cocaine, dollar bills.

And...

My happy little pill,

Take me away.

Dry my eyes,

Bring colour to my skies.

My sweet little pill,

Take my hunger.

Light within,

Numb my skin."

I just stopped singing and playing for no reason. Maybe I just forgot the lyrics or chords. I heard footsteps coming to upstairs. Shit. It have to be my dad. He have said that I can't play or sing after seven. Well, I just don't listen him, what is kinda really really bad thing.

I put the guitar away, almost running to my window. I opened it, and my door opened at the same time. I turned, seeing my dad standing there, looking angry. My heart skipped too many beats, I shivered.

"And what the fuck you're doing? Dear fucking god I have told you, you can't play after seven, and what it's now... Uh, 7.43 ?!" dad shouted.

"It wasn't loud, I'm sorry" I said shamily.

He didn't listen my apology, he walked closer and gripped my hair. He pulled me back down from the window. He let go of me, but I knew it didn't mean he didn't stop. He had his belt with him. He hit me two times, both hard. First hit my neck, second my side. They will bruise.

Then he gripped my shirt and said "I swear that in next time I will hit harder. So, what you're gonna do now?"

"Be-be q-quiet" I stuttered.

"Fucking say it, don't stutter you idiot" he said and hit me even the third's time, to my leg.

That will bruise, too. I bit my lip, feeling tears coming to my eyes. But I couldn't cry, not front of my dad.

"I will be quiet, like I wasn't here" I got out of my mouth.

He didn't answer but threw me back to my bed. He turned and walked away. When he was on the door, he said "And oh, try escape once more I will get a lock to that window" Then he left and slammed my door.

I immediately started crying. I don't know how long I can take this. I wish I had a sibling, then I wouldn't be alone. I'm alone, I seriously have no one. I need someone, who would take care of me, and love me.

I spend the next hours just sitting in my room, quiet, taking drugs and self harming. I don't know why, but somehow self harm, cutting makes me feel better. It's an addiction. My both wrists are covered with new, fresh cuts, and also those thick white scars. I just can't stop.

My stomach screamed for food louder, it was pure pain actually. I haven't eaten about in 20 hours. I don't have food in my room, and I just can't go to kitchen and make food. And well, what's point of eating? I will always throw up.

Realizing, time was right now 2.38am. I don't know how I'm gonna get myself to go to school tomorrow. But I have to. I crawled to my bed, under the sheets. Before closing my eyes, I let couple tears fall down, just because I know I will repeat all this same shit tomorrow.

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This was actually short chapter, but hey. It's the first chapter. I hope you review and tell me what you think!

The song was by Troye Sivan