Category Linkin Park

Robot Boy by SonataNocturne

Replacing this pain with something numb

A/N: I have no idea what this is, lol. It started as a drabble but then there was suddenly a whole chapter. Any pairing ideas? I don't feel like it is completed like that but let me hear what you think.


He didn't feel like himself. Hadn't felt like himself in ages. It wasn't like he was particularly sad. He was just so confused. Beaten down by all of his thoughts that didn't leave him alone. So today he chose to go the park. Problem was that the weather wasn't right for a walk in a park. It was raining really heavily. But he didn't care. He wasn't made of sugar and he needed to drown his thoughts. The feelings that were pushing and pulling him to every direction possible. It wasn't fair that all of this was inside of him needing a release. Which just wasn't there. He felt like screaming but he didn't bother. It wouldn't even change anything.

But the rain was purifying. Like acid it poured on him. Burning but yet freezing his skin. He stared at the black sky feeling the salty drops on his face. The city had its ordinary cacophony but he didn't hear it. The rain was so deafening drowning it all under. Watching at lights that were pretty against the night sky, shining in the moist air, made him feel so small.

He glanced at the sea. He wanted to travel far away alone. Someday he would. Sea always reminded him of the foreign countries. Looking at it, the water that was dividing continents and lands from each other made him think that maybe there was someone out there that was dealing with the same exact emotions like he was. But the sea was also scary. It was deep and dark and could swallow you whole if you weren't careful. As like his feelings. They were swallowing him. Eating him alive and he couldn't help it.

He wanted to conduct and watch his life like a puppet master. To decide what would happen next without feeling it all. Without getting confused and scared. And probably disappointed when he didn't get what he wanted. Cause that was so usual for him. He was famous and he had done lot of work to achive it, but that didn't mean he was happy. He wanted to be happy. Wanted it so badly but there were his doubts and fears preventing it. He could lose it all. All he had now just for pursuing the happiness that he didn't even believe to be out there.

So he just contented to what he had now. Controlled his feelings, kept them inside. Being somewhat comfortable but not happy was better than to risk it all. And that was what made him so confused. Few tiny words could get it all going like a chain reaction. Destroying it all, one thing at a time. Finally shredding pieces his whole world like a meaningless piece if paper. Which it wasn't. It had many other people involving and their lives in stake too. He wasn't alone in the world even though it felt like that amongst his feelings. Trying to be strong for the others made him feel heavy.

And there he stood. Rainwater was soaking up his clothes making him shiver. He didn't know was it the rain or his tears burning his eyes. But he just stood there. Cause it made him feel alive. At least he felt something even when the cold and wet weren't exactly desirable feelings. The other ones he tried to escape. He loathed them. Wanted them to go away and leave him alone. Hanging his head low he turned around to get back home. A place that didn't feel like home anymore. It felt like a place where he had to be cause that was his life.

But then he turned his head back up and saw him standing there. He was as soaked as he was himself and looked as miserable. The cold drops were dripping from the man's lashes and from his lips. It was like staring at the sun. He wanted to look away, but couldn't. The figure parted his lips trying to say something but didn't. It was like some invisible force had stopped him. He felt his stomach lurch. He was speechless. Why was he here too? And how long had he been there staring at him?

"What are you doing here?", he asked swallowing all the other questions he had.

"I was worried. You didn't answer your phone", the man said staring still straight to his eyes.

Oh the phone. Yeah, it had vibrated several times. But he didn't really feel like answering. Cause there were two possibilities that were calling. And he was scared to answer to either of them.

"Why are you here?", the questions back at him was like dagger.

The man had walked closer to him. So silently that he was almost taken aback. He saw that but the man moved like a wild animal catching his prey. Now he was standing just feet away from him. He could raise his arm and feel the soft skin. To really feel what he always dreamed of.

"I needed to clear up my thoughts", he whispered back. He wanted the water to wash away his words.

"Did it work?", another question from those soft lips.

"No. Not really", he swallowed hard not wanting to reveal anything of himself.

The man stood still anxious, that was clear. But not as anxious as he was. They stood there staring each other in the eyes not budging. Only blinking cause of the water falling to their faces. It was like the time stood still. All they could feel was the numbing rain. All they could hear was the rain.

"Aren't you cold?", more words. The words were caring and warm.

"I am", his voice wasn't even a whisper.

"Then... why are you still here?", it was like never ending flow. The questions he didn't really know how to answer.

"I can't breathe", his voice was suddenly cracking. Not cause of the cold but cause of the beautiful eyes staring at him. They were so oblivious but same time so inquisitive and dismal.

And then there was the touch. So delicate that he could have missed it. But it threw an electric shock through his body hitting his every nerve. Making him feel alive. The glint of happiness could have made him smile. But it was deceiving. Even though he felt it he didn't deserve it.

"Come home, okay?",he heard the man say. The same one that had a hand on his arm.

Home... The home that he had wasn't the same that the other man had. And the man was happy. And he should be, he had it all. All was perfect in the little world they had.

"I don't have a home", he blurted mumbling it out.

The man furrowed his brows. He looked like he was surprised. But there was something else too he couldn't figure out. And there was some sorrow but also lots of confusion. And that he could pick up. It was the one emotion he really was used to.

"Can I.... ", the voice that was so familiar to him asked but stopped in the middle of a sentence. The hand on his shoulder was making him shiver.

He wanted to say something but he couldn't. It was like the words that he was trying to form were disappearing on his lips. All his senses were focusing to the touch on his shoulder. The long fingers resting on his arm. And the stare. The eyes were burning and invading.

"I'm so lost", his voice was bleak. It wasn't something he wanted to confess but there it was. Hanging in the air.

He could almost feel the cold metal blade stabbing his innards. Saying it out loud made it hurt even more. It cut so deep. And he wanted to look away from those eyes. But they were captivating him. Like they had always.

"Hey... You're really wet and cold you know?", again the voice said. It was like a honey to his ears but so bittersweet.

"I don't care", he answered his voice tight and stretched.

Suddenly he felt arms around him. He could have broken down then and there. But somehow he still kept himself together.

"But I do. Let's go", the voice whispered in his ear.

"No. I don't want to go back there", he held his breath. The man was too close. Way too close to him and he felt his walls crack.

The other leaned back to look him in the eyes. It wasn't fair that he couldn't have it all.

"You can't stay here all night", now the feathery voice came from the lips that were only inches away from his.

"I know", the answer rolled from his lips. Just few inches and his world could fall apart.

The other man exhaled his breath evaporating already. It felt like the time stood still.

"Then what are you waiting for?", the man then said. There. The question that could be answered truthfully but shouldn't be. Lying was so easy.


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