Category Linkin Park

Let it all disappear by halvlang

Chapter 1

Hello lovely people,

I don't really know what this is going to be, maybe another short story with only a few chapters. I haven't written more than this one chapter yet but decided to share it anyway. Let's see together where this is heading!

Updated will probably come slowly, just so that you are warned!

Hope you like the start, let me know what you think!


PS. Shout-out to ninja, our chat the other day made me finishing the chapter and uploading it ;)

PSS. This fanfic is NOT PostTraumatic. Which is a big surprise, even for myself.


“Mike, can you come down to the kitchen?” Anna’s voice is urgent and quickly I make my way downstairs. Halfway, I can already hear the girls crying and a phone ringing. As soon as I enter the room, Anna is handing Jojo over to me while Abba is sitting on the sideboard.

“They bumped their heads together. Won’t stop crying even though I’m quite sure it wasn’t that hard. Try to sooth them, I will answer the phone.” With these words, she is leaving to the hallway and a second later her words are replacing the annoying ringing.

I focus on my daughters, lifting Abba up as well and dandling them both on my arms.

“Hey, buttercups. Calm down, for daddy.” I blow some air towards both of their foreheads, placing a kiss on them afterwards. Nothing really seems to help. I sigh before I start humming and finally singing.

When you were standing in the wake of devastation

When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown

And with the cataclysm raining down

Insides crying "Save me now"

You were there, impossibly alone

Slowly they are both calming down, looking at me with big, red puffy eyes. I smile down at both of them while making my way to the living room to sit down on the couch with both my babies snuggled to my chest. Little hiccups are still escaping their lungs but they both stopped crying.

“You see… It’s fine. Daddy is here. And mummy as well.”

Sometimes I wonder how Anna is managing this when I’m out on tour. The feeling of guilt is washing over me and I bury my nose in the hair of one of the girls and inhale her scent.

“I love you, sweeties. And your brother as well.” My glance is wandering through the room where Otis is sitting in a playpen, happily gambling with a few wooden bricks. I definitely spend too much time in the studio. I should enjoy the time at home more and do more stuff with the kids.

It has been a month since we are back from the road and I’m still adjusting. Spending time on new material – even though we agreed on really taking a break this time and therefore it’s me alone working right now – is my way of releasing the stress that comes with being back home. I try to leave my emotions outside the family life and creating something helps me to not take out my moods on the kids or Anna.

My head is turning in my wife’s direction when I hear her voice from the hallway. She is just saying her goodbyes before she leaves the phone on the table to join me on the couch. With a smile, she is looking at me and the girls all cuddled up on the couch.

“They miss you when you are away. And I do as well. You are so much better in soothing them. Maybe I should learn to sing as well?” I see that she is joking and her lips are curling up. Still, I’m entering the game.

“I can teach you. Someone told me I’m quite good at it.” Now she is laughing, taking one of the girls from my arm.

“Idiot. You can maybe sing but you are a horrible teacher. Way to inpatient. That’s why you rather learn stuff yourself then either letting someone else do it or introduce them to it.”

I know that she is right but I only shrink my shoulders and place a kiss on her cheek before I ask who she was on the phone with.

With a now slightly more serious look, she is standing up, taking Abba from me as well.

“It was Elisa. And before you roll your eyes – she asked if you could come over and talk to Brad.”

“Why, what’s wrong?!” Immediately I stand up as well, grabbing my phone from the seat next to me already.

“I don’t know. She said he doesn’t seem to be himself since you guys returned. Have you talked to him lately?” I have to think about it for a moment and that gives me a bad feeling already.

“Not really. A few texts since we are home. He wasn’t returning my calls. But that’s normal, we are all caught up with families and friends when we are back from a tour. But I also sensed that he was acting differently during the last two weeks on the America leg of the tour. But again – after such a long time it is always hard to leave that part of our life behind. We’ve all had weird emotions towards the end of our tours and when being back. It is exhausting. Nothing new about that.”

Still, my guts are telling me that something is not right at all. Elisa avoids me the same way I avoid her and there is no way that she would call and ask for help – help from me in particular – when it wasn’t absolutely necessary.

And so, I find myself in the car and after a quite long drive in the busy L.A. traffic I finally pull up in Brad’s driveway.

As soon as Elisa is opening, I squeeze myself in and head directly to the living room. If Anna would be with me right now, she would deliver a sermon about me being harsh and not even greeting her. Still, I do it again and again. Because I don’t see the point in pretending that I like her when all of us know that it’s not the case. Because I tried, I really tried to be nicer.

Anna thinks I dislike Elisa because Brad is like my brother and no one can ever be good enough for him. Rob says it’s because he is my best friend so long already and I’m jealous that another person is more important in Brad’s life now.

It’s all bullshit. I simply dislike her because I can see that Brad isn’t in love. How, you ask? Because I fucking know him. And yes, we talked about it. Not only once. He never admitted that I’m right but he also never denied. Sadly, Elisa ran into one of these conversations and since that moment I stopped completely to be nicer around her. And it’s mutual, she isn’t even wondering why I just pass her to see where to find the guitarist. And on any other day, she would not even have followed me.

“Hey, Brad.” I’m entering the living room, seeing him on the couch. Despite my words, he is not reacting at all and his view is directed to an invisible spot on the ceiling.

“Brad?” Again, he is not even looking in my direction. But before I can make a step towards him, I can feel Elisa’s hand on my shoulder. My reflex tells me to pull away and I make a step away from her.

“The music is too loud. He can’t hear you.” Now that she says it, I notice an almost inaudible melody swirling through the room and the in-ear headphones.

“Since when is he wearing those? He hates having stuff being put into his ears.” Immediately, the thousands of discussions we had come to my mind. From the beginning, he rejected wearing in-ear monitors and it took the rest of us years to stop making fun of his gigantic headphones.

“He says they blend out the world better.” Elisa seems acidified and she is pulling me back to the hallway. Confused, I follow her, not sure why I let her drag me around.

“What’s going on? What did you do?” The moment I say these words out loud, I realize how awful they sound – but again, why should I pretend to not accusing her when I actually do? And most times I’m not even wrong but she is the cause why Brad is feeling low.

“Mike, please. Stop behaving like a child. It’s not my fault when he goes all introvert all of a sudden. And you better tell me what happened on tour. You were with him the last months, not me.” I can see that she is pissed and at the same time annoyed by Brad. A fact that I blame her for, immediately. He is her fucking boyfriend, she shouldn’t be talking like this. However, I try to calm down - but my tone stays cold.

“Please, stop with this. I don’t know what’s going on. Before you called I wasn’t even aware that something was wrong. So, let’s get over with this and tell me the problem.”

“You claim to be his best friend… Haven’t you noticed how he pulled back more and more?”

“He was a bit quieter the last weeks but we all have these periods, especially after a long and exhausting tour. I wasn’t around him since he said goodbye on the tour-bus. So, don’t try to make me feel guilty.” I can see that she is bugged but pulls herself together as well.

“Whatever, Mike. I’m getting tired of this… The first week, he was just not talking much. Or sleeping proper. Then he stopped doing things, other than listening to music. He didn’t even come to bed. I thought it was his way of dealing with being back home. I went to my parents because I thought he didn’t want to have me around anyway. But then, when I came back yesterday… I think he hasn’t been eating much, or sleeping. He refuses to talk to me at all now. That’s why I called you.”

“You left him alone when he was obviously not doing ok?” My words are resounding in the hallway and I really have to lower my voice. I take a deep breath before I open my eyes again. Elisa is just staring at me, no sympathy in her face.

“Why didn’t you check on him? I bet he hasn’t returned your calls or messages. And I know you sent them. You always do.” I sight again and shake my head. This could go on forever, but I decide to do what is more important than arguing right now.

“I’ll go and talk with him now. This is not leading anywhere…” And with these words I turn around and make my way to the living room again, leaving Elisa behind.


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