Category Linkin Park
Disclaimer : LP is not mine. Never have and never will. So dream in fiction.
Title : Endless Sorrow
Author : Ray
Rated : I’m not sure yet
Pairing : C/M
This is this is the story I’ve been working on that’s been keeping my mind away from the other. This story is... well I don’t know how this story is going to be. It’s really just an experiment. I have no clue why I wrote it. read and find out if you like...
What if you were alone and suddenly become blind. Darkness surrounding you from all around. Gauzing your eyes out to see what’s in front to no apparent prevail. Despite that... you have to walk forward. Keep on going. Hands stretched out, you search around for something your hand could clutch onto. Someone to hold onto. Someone to take your hand. Walk with you... and help you move on.
Come here... take my hand.
If you are left with one wing and even if I have one wing left... together... together.
“Yes you are!”
“No I’m not!”
“Am not, am not, am not!”
“Are too, are too, are too times infinity!”
“Am... Miiiike, Phi’s being mean!” Joe whined.
I looked over at the two under my black DC cap, getting up from my woken state over the two arguing hyenas. I simply mumbled out some incoherent words as I stretched my body out from the couch.
“Miikey” I heard Joe whine again. I look down at my knees to see Joe clinging to them like a baby. “Phi Phi said he’s gonna come and get me”
He pouted his lips and made his best attempt to put on his puppy-dog eyes.
“Joe... could you please let go of my leg” I said not really trying to kick the Korean off. My body was too weak to fend off such a monstrosity.
“But Dave is planning on sending demons after me...” he wailed. “...he said he knows a couple” he whispered to me.
“Where are you Joey?” I heard Dave sing-sang in the hallway of the large house.
“Phi!” I yelled.
“Yes!” he replied.
“Stop it... your scaring him shitless!”
I heard a chuckle as he appeared by the corner of the spacious living room. Joe clutched at my leg harder, blood flow stopping. He whimpered as Dave got closer. I looked over at him and sighed.
“Awww come on Joey” he said kneeling down in front of me to grab Joe off of me. “I wont bite ‘cha”
Reluctantly, Joe let go of my leg as Dave dragged him off. “Miiiiike!” he screamed. I simply rolled my eyes at the two as they disappeared off.
I sighed, taking my cap with one hand and running the other through my hair before placing it back on. Having nothing to do all day can drain your energy believe it or not. Especially with these two around.
I walked over to the stereo system, deciding that music will cheer me up. I placed in a CD and blasted it. Drowning away Joe’s wails and Dave’s laughter. I sighed and leaned against the wall.
8th day of no smoking and it’s killing the shit out of me. I needed a drag. At least that way the day will fly by faster. Fuckin Chester, why did I have to agree to this stupid deal anyway.
If you quit smoking... I’ll let you stay here, but if you start again, your ass is as good as road kill” He said a about a week ago. I agreed to it, seeing as how I had no place else to go.
Smoking wasn’t that bad. It’s not like pot. It’s lighter... I don’t get why he has to worry so much about me. Him and Brad. Stupid fuckers won’t leave me the fuck alone.
I ran away from Anna a few weeks ago. Never giving her a phone call, no note, no nothing. My parents don‘t even know where the fuck I am. Nor have they tried to even look for me. I didn’t care, it’s better that they won’t be around to bother me.
Since the day I saw Anna, on the bed, with another woman, you’d think I’d enjoy something like that. But no, it disgust the fuck out of me. She fuckin cheated on me, over a woman. She replaced me for another woman! Fuck it I don’t care. She was a careless bitch anyway. A cold, fucked up son of a bitch was all she was.
So that’s why I’m here. In the house of Chester Charles Bennington, the great! He has it all. A great job, friends, house, car, everything... but a family. He always talked about wanting to have a family, but was too afraid. He was too afraid to settle down, afraid to get his heart broken again.
The last relationship he had was with Samantha. At first she was a sweet and gentle woman, then she gradually turned to a vampire, draining Chester of all the money she can suck out of him. But he was oblivious to her actions, he was deeply in love with her. She seduced and used him to no end. Until Brad snapped him from the trance he was bestowed on. She broke it off, taking half of his money along with her.
Half of him was glad she was gone, but the other half longed and ached for her return. On the outside he would show normality, calmness and sometimes maybe happiness, but on the inside he was weeping. I could tell, his smiles and laughs lack the emotion. Slowly, but surely, he’s getting better.
“MIKE!” Joe yelled. I closed my eyes as he snapped me from my thoughts.
“Dear god don’t let him find me” I whispered to myself, pulling down my hat to cover my eyes, feeling as though it was covering my entire being.
I heard his footsteps echo through out the large house, then faintly disappear only to be replaced my another, to disappear also.
This house was large. And it’s no exaggeration. Chester had his own business. Mr. CEO of his company, Bennington Co. I don’t understand why he bought a large house. It’s just like placing an ant in the middle of Central Park and telling it that that’s its new home. Don’t get lost now...
Ever since Sam had left, Dave, Joe, Brad or Rob would come and visit, and stay in the house while he was at work. He has a great level of trust between all of us. It’s amazing. This house must be worth millions... and he trusts us. Especially Joe and Dave. Chester has refrained himself from placing objects on tables or stands in corners of the room. He’s learned from Joe and Dave’s behaviours of the consequences of doing so. But he pushed it away and always said “it’s okay, only a thousand bucks”.
I don’t understand how he found out about my runaway from home situation. I’m guessing Brad had told him. They did work together after all. Mr. Bradford Delson was the vice-president of that damned company of theirs. So he too... is loaded. Chester had offered me to stay at his house the following day I stayed at Brad’s. So I accepted, I was planning on leaving after a week or so, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Whenever I was with him I felt happy, and sometimes I would get a glimpse of his true self.
He insisted I move in with him, like roommates sort of thing and that it would be fun. So I agreed and I moved my things in his house. Taking one of the many bedrooms.
“There you are Mikey!” Joe mouthed, even though I couldn’t hear what he was saying He crawled his way beside me, slumping his back against the wall. “Dave’s after me”
“Still?” I groaned.
Joe and Dave were practically living here also. Everyday they would be over, playing Xbox, PS2, Gamecube, or the other systems Chester own. If those won’t please them, the computers were always open, jammed with games. If not that, then there was the arcades, billiards, foosball, and other things in the basement. If still not amused, you could always go outside, bask in the warmth sun or dive in the large swimming pool. But then there’s always the television, the only thing that seemed to interest me.
“You hear something?” Joe whispered, leaning in towards my face due to the volume of the music.
I let out sigh as I slowly stood up. He tugged down at my sleeve, my body almost giving in and falling back down.
“Joe” I yelled.
He let go of his grip on my sleeve, stood up, shrugged then ran off. I headed over to the stereo system and turned it off. The house was deathly quiet. Not a sound of Dave or Joe. I hope I didn’t make Joe angry. I’m just having one of those days. Those days where I feel like crap. Doing nothing with my life, wasting it away.
I seem to be having them everyday...
Deciding that I should go apologize to Joe, I went on the hunt.
“Joe?” I called. “Dave?”
I headed out of the large living room and into the dimly lit hallway. I flickered on the light, showing the numerous doors to my right and left. Paintings hanged on the white wall between doors.
“You guys?” I called again, walking slowly down the hallway. The eerie silence was starting to frighten me. This house doesn’t become quiet until the late evenings. Reaching the end of the hallway, I peer into the last door that led to the basement. I listened carefully to any sort of noise from the darkness of the basement. Hearing none, I closed the door and head back into the living room.
“Where the fuck are they?” I asked myself. I walked across the living room and up the stairs. More paintings were hooked on the walls as the stairs ascended. I looked to my right, into the large washroom, to see no light from under the closed door. I turned to my left and walked down the dark hallway. There were three doors to my left, three doors to my right, and one slightly larger door at the end, leading into Chester’s bedroom. I noticed a light from the last door on the right of the hallway. My room. I walked frantically towards the light emitting from under the door, whispered voices coming through the door.
I opened the door swiftly and stared at Joe and Dave’s back, sitting on the edge of my bed. They turned their heads around and smile at me.
“What are you guys doing?” I chuckled nervously as I walked on over to them.
“We’re just looking at your sketchbooks” Joe chirped. My eyes widened as they flipped a page. I quickly snatch the sketchbooks from their hands and throw them in the drawers.
“Get out of my room!” I yelled. Both their eyes look at me puzzled.
“GET OUT!” I yelled again.
They both stood up, awestruck at my behaviour. “They were really good... why are they always cryin--”
“GET OUT!!!” I screamed before Joe could finish his sentence, pushing them out of the door and slamming it at their faces.
I locked the door and pushed my back against it, dropping my body to the floor. I buried my hands in my hair as I pull my knees up. I place my hands on them and leaned my head on the wall.
How dare they just barge in here. Looking at my things without given permission. They had no right. The things in here are personal. Especially my sketch books.
Through out my life, I had no way of expressing how I felt. I yelled and screamed at them to listen to me. But they would ignore me, they would all ignore me. Pretending I wasn’t there. So I purged all my feelings out onto paper. Drew out how I felt. My mixed emotions of anger, hatred, frustration, sometimes love. No one was to ever see them. If anyone saw, it would be like looking inside my head. Invading my space and privacy, looking at what’s not meant to be looked at.
I stood up and walked over to the drawer I threw my sketchbooks in and took them out. I let out a long sigh as I held the different sized sketchbooks.
My privacy, my safe haven, my life... the only thing that would listen to me. I sighed and pushed the books under the bed. Hoping that no one would think about looking under there.
I laid my body on the bed and looked up at the ceiling. Placing my hands under the back of my head.
I hope they think that it’s just drawings. Nothing more than that. No emotion put into it. Just drawings... random drawings. They won’t understand.
I let out a sigh before turning to my side to stare at the locked door. I didn’t mean to yell at them. I meant to apologize... not to yell some more. I closed my eyes, removing the image of Joe’s hurt face. Well it’s their fault for just breaking in here and going through people’s things.
I opened my eyes to the light knocking on the door.
“Mike?” I heard Chester’s voice whisper through. “Mike can you please open the door?”
Great, now he’s going to scold me for being an asshole.
I got off of the bed and walked to the door. I unlocked it and opened it, looking down at his shoes rather than his face.
“What happened?” he asked. “Joe and Dave both said you yelled at them for no reason”
“They were going through my things” I whispered.
“And that’s a reason for yelling at them?”
“They were going through my private things!” I said, feeling the heat surge through my veins. So he’s on their side I see.
“Yes!” I said now looking at him. My eyes starting to sting. “those are private! I don’t want anyone looking at them!”
“They’re just drawings Mike, what makes them so god damned private!” he said, his rage equally rising.
“Just drawings!” I yelled now. “they’re not just drawings!”
“Then what the fuck are they? Scribbles? Scratches?”
I took in a harsh intake of breath as his words stung at my ego.
“Your so fuckin paranoid, you yell at them for that, for your... your drawings!?” he yelled, inching closer towards my body. He always knew how to make me puny, worthless, and lifeless. He made me feel unwanted, unloved, non-existent whether he knew it or not. “Go down there and apologize to them both!”
We both knew how sensitive Joe was. He didn’t want to repeat what happened last time. Neither do I, but it felt like he deserved it.
Although at times I put on a tough facade, it’s nothing more than that, a facade. On the inside, I’m weak, sensitive and easily broken. The smallest things could set me off or break me down. But I try my best to hide it, not like Joe.
I walked down the stairs slowly, Chester behind me, watching my every move like a vulture.
Joe sat on the couch, knees up at his chin as Dave’s hand encompassed him. I walked slowly towards them, their eyes looking up at me, trying their best not to glare.
“J-Joe?” I whispered, trying to get the Koreans eyes on mine but with no luck. “Listen Joe... I’m sorry, and to you too Dave. I didn’t mean to yell, I’m just... I just don’t like people looking at my drawings”
Joe nodded his head slowly as Dave mouthed out what seemed to be ‘whatever’.
One minute they’re my friends, the next, their my enemies.
I let out a sigh before turning around to head back to my room. Chester stood there, looking at me before averting his eyes to the two on the couch.
“So how about some food?” he asked all of us, a wave of enthusiasm in his voice.
“I’m not hungry...” I whispered, moving past him and up the stairs. I knew that if I decided to have dinner with them, I would end up getting cold looks and glares and some more scolding from the three of them. I closed the door behind me, locked it and pulled myself under the blankets. I turned off the lights just as the rivulets of tears streamed down my face.
I don’t understand Chester. He’d always stick by my side. Always the one to defend me although I try to prove I can manage myself otherwise. But now... he gets so frustrated with me. Angry with me, snaps at me at any instant. He seems annoyed of me now. I just seem to be a burden to everyone. The day I arrived at Brad’s house, the first time I had ran away, it’s like he wanted me to leave him that same day. So instead he gave the burden to Chester, and Chester being the kind person he was, took it and pretended that it didn’t bother him.
That’s what I felt like... a burden. In the circle of friends we all had in college, I seemed to be the black sheep. Everyone had jobs instantly right after college. Hard class working jobs, as for me, a frequent fast food restaurant was what I ended up with. No one said anything, they pretended it wasn’t a big deal, but I knew it was. It was a big deal to me. I was the outsider. The one that gets no where in life.
“...just a burden” I whispered to myself in the dark as I watch the 9 on the digital clock turn into a 0. 11:00pm. “nothing... more... than... a... burden”
I heard footsteps walk up the hallway as the light flickered on outside, peering their way under the crack of the door. My heart tightened at the thought of Chester coming in and yelling at me some more, breaking at what‘s already been broken.
I closed my eyes as he unlocked my door with his spare keys. The light flooded in and I closed my eyes tighter.
“Mike...” he whispered. He walked closer to the bed, uneasiness at the pit of my stomach. “I know your awake”
I turned to the other side so now my back was to him now. I pulled the blankets at the base of my shoulders, ready for the attack.
“You can yell at me tomorrow Chester... I’ll be able to handle it then” I choked, biting my lip, trying to hold back descending tears.
He sighed and sat at the edge of the bed, the weight shifting slightly.
“I’m not here to yell at you...” he said calmly. I stayed silent, wondering why else he would be in here for. “I came to apologize... I didn’t mean to shout at you earlier”
I remained silent, trying to drown out his words.
“Mike” he said again, placing his hands on my shoulders. I flinched at his touch and he quickly backed his hand away. “Listen... I didn’t mean to call your drawings scribbles or scratches, I was just having a bad day”
“So you decide to lash it out on me?” I whispered. “...well, I guess everyone needs someone to spill their anger on”
“Fuck damn it Mike! I’m not fucking lashing out on you!”
“Then what was that!?” I said sitting bolt up right and flailing my hands to the door. Tears spewing out “You yelled at me, you instantly took Dave and Joe’s side, because what!? Joe was crying? I was instantly the bad guy? Well fuck Chester, did you ever take my view into perspective, that maybe, just maybe my drawings meant something more than just scribbles!”
I pushed the blanket away and got off the bed, storming out of my bedroom door, jogged down the stairs and heading out into the cool air of the night. The tears were frantically rushing out of my face as I hug my chest, clothed only in a black shirt. I walked silently around the swimming pool, making my way at the end of it and descending the few stairs to step down on the backyard balcony overlooking the ocean. I remove my hands from my chest and place it on the railings, looking down the cliff below me at the crashing waves.
What sweet release it would give...
“I’m sorry...” I heard whispered behind me. I closed my eyes to the eeriness of his voice, seeming to drown out everything else that I’m hearing.
I quickly rubbed the tears from my eyes and stared out into the vast ocean. Silent, calm, serene, and uncanny. The darkness of the waters blending in to the eerie black coloured sky. A white stripe line on the waters, illuminated by the moon, cutting a thin slice of the dark, separating the merge.
“Mike...” he whispered again. My legs started to limp. I clenched at the railings, trying to keep my composure. Feeling them giving up, my legs gave way and I sat kneeling on the cement floor, still my eyes gazing out at the dark ocean.
I see, at the corner of my eye, his body move next to mine as he placed an arm over my shoulder. I shrug his arm away, like a flame burning at my skin. He sighed before sitting beside me.
“Scary isn’t it?” he suddenly whispered. “It’s so... empty, deep and unknown. So calm... but it could be the most dangerous of forces. It‘s depths, deep and mysterious, and darker as it deepens... ever wonder what‘s down there?”
I remained silent, not wanting to answer his question, letting him know how upset he’s made me. Letting him know exactly what he caused and the consequences.
“To tell you the truth, I’m scared as hell about the water. The darkness and mysteriousness of it” he chuckled silently. “The deep ocean, it makes me feel like I’m being watched from all angles. Hidden creatures ready to lurk out and steal your life in an instant. You probably think I‘m paranoid now don‘t you?”
If this was his cheap attempt to make me feel better, well... it’s working. But I kept myself from chuckling, or even so much as a smile to form upon my lips.
He let out a low sigh before turning his head in my direction. From the corner of my eye I can see him stare at me intently, but I didn’t return it, I kept my eyes staring in front.
“The point is Mike... I’m sorry, I hadn’t meant to yell at you like that... It’s just... I just wish you would talk to me” he whispered, as he removed his eyes from me to replace his view with the ocean.
I stayed quiet for a moment, debating whether I should say something or not.
“I do try to talk to you...” I answered in a very quiet voice, I myself could barely hear. “...but you never listen”
“Mike... I’m sorry, I do listen... I’ll try to listen harder” he said moving closer to me and wrapping his hand around my shoulder, this time without me having to shrug it off.
“It’s okay...” I murmured. “... no one ever listens, why start now...”
He stayed quiet at my comment, as we sat there staring out at the dark together, the faint roars of the waves below us.
“Come on, let’s go back inside” he suggested after what felt to be more than an hour of silence.
I stood up as we walked side by side, back up the few stairs and into the house. My hands buried deep in my pockets as I stare down at the ground. He also remained silent, as we were both ascending the stairs and walking into the hallway. Just as I head into my open bedroom door, Chester placed his hand on my shoulder.
“Mike...?” he said, turning me around. I look up at his frown, turning slowly into a smile. “G’night” he said, dropping his hand.
“Night..” I whispered back emotionless. I walk into my bedroom and close the door silently. I lean my body against the door as I let out an exasperated sigh. I closed my eyes tightly, before opening them to the dimly lit room. The only light coming through the window, the moon casting it’s cold glow.
I head to my bed and drop myself in it, burying my body under the covers. I closed my eyes, letting the darkness cradle me to sleep.
How was it? Tell me what you think. It would help, and be honest, I don’t care if you bash my fragile ego, just tell me the truth.