Reviews
Cry on my shoulder. by If_I_Die_2_Day_Will_You_Still_Care_About_Meh
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From: If_I_Die_2_Day_Will_You_Still_Care_About_Meh
Date: 2005-12-24
Chapter: 1
I KNOW I NEED WORK IT WAS MY FIRST STORY I"LL FIX IT
From: T.B.D.
Date: 2005-12-23
Chapter: 1
oooh!!i know!!
you could get a beta!!
if you want to know what that is e-mail meh,!!
just sayin
From: T.B.D.
Date: 2005-12-23
Chapter: 1
hey NaNa!!
omg,..that was sad.it was ur first story so yeah you need alittle more practice on the dialogue,...but it was really good!!
get online some time!!
love yas!!
McKenny,...lol reiku
From: slimmaz11
Date: 2005-12-22
Chapter: 1
it wa sweet but too unrealistic the doctor part made it unrealistic
From: soliloquy
Date: 2005-12-21
Chapter: 1
Ugh, I hate to sound like a bitch but...
1. Dialogue format is generally not a good idea. Only a few authors can successfully pull it off.
2. You lack credibility. How can Chester die from a disease that showed up the previous day?
3. Your chapters are like, 25 words each.
I'd suggest you look into prose writing and brush up on the basics, like spelling and grammar.
From: Yassim
Date: 2005-12-21
Chapter: ?
I definitly think this needs some work. I sugest practing a bit more and getting a beta. The plot is interesting though, so maybe one you've worked on it a bit more you could re-post it or something.
From: bleeding chaos </3
Date: 2005-12-21
Chapter: ?
oh holy wow..
this needs some work
but uhh..love the idea for the story..uh..yeah
~Bitty~
Reviews 1 to 9 of 9
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From: liberating.labia
Date: 2005-12-24
Chapter: 3
... Spell check. Microsoft Word is your friend.
You might want to lengthen your chapters a bit, perhaps go into detail abotu the disease (which you misspelled in the description) You also migh want to put your spacebar to a little more use; everything's kind of bucnhed together and it gives me a headache.
All in all, I suggest you get a beta.