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~Bitty~

DON'T KNOW. DON'T OWN. FICTION. DON'T SUE.

~*~**~*~

(I don't wanna know)

(I don't wanna know)

(I don't wanna know)

(I don't wanna know)

"Chazz..." you hear your love moan quietly. Your eyes squint in anger at the tears dancing down your cheeks. As much as it breaks your heart into tinier and smaller pieces, you listen. You listen to the sounds of love making coming from the other side of the door. The sounds you and your ex used to make. The sounds coming from the sound of Mike Shinoda. Your love. Your best friend. Your man. But if he's your love, your best friend and your man, why is he in that room with Chester Bennington? Why did he break up with you? What did you do wrong?

You just can't figure it out.

And they think you don't know...

I'll go ahead and pour myself a drink

I really couldn't care less what you think

Well I don't have to listen now

Live this day down

If I can't feel a thing

"Mike..." You hear him whisper. "Mike..I really think that we should tell them. They deserve to know."

"I...I know Chester, but what about Brad?" Oh how thoughtful you think laughing bitterly.

"What about him? ...Mike? Don't tell me you still have feelings for him?" Smiling you think of the possibility that maybe just maybe he does still have feelings for you. Maybe you two could get back together? You enjoy the worried note of the mans voice.

"No Chester, No. I don't feel for him as I used to. I love you baby, only you." With the sounds of them kissing passionatly, your hopes crushed you rush to the liquor cabinet pulling out a bottle of vodka. You drink heavily drowning out the sounds of the two lovers, numbing the pain in your heart.

You might as well save your goodbyes

We can give this train wreck one last ride

I'm gonna have to listen now

Live this day down

If I don't make things right

I'll tell you one last time

"Guys..Chester and I have something important to tell you." You hear your love start off hesitantly. Slowly you turn and face him and Chester for the first time since your breakup almost 3 months ago.

"What is it? Is everything ok?" Rob immediatly asks worried for his two friends. Isn't it funny how they automatically worry about those two when nothing could possibly be wrong, but I'm floundering and nobody even seems to care... you think to yourself sadly.

"No, no no. Nothings the matter Rob" Chester laughs nervously.

"Then what is it guys? And could we hurry it up? I've got a game of halo to finish." Joe states. Smiling you laugh softly, jealous of Joe's childish enthusiasm about video games;him and Dave both. Suddenly your eyes are captured by deep chocolate ones;you stare into the eyes of your one true love. Mike. Your best friend since junior high. You smile lightly, causing the man infront of you to break out into a contagious grin. Then as quickly as it began, it ends as Chester's flame covered wrists encircle Mike's waist. Glancing up your eyes meet Chester's death glare, plainly daring you to try and take Mike from him. Mike aware of the tension squirms uncomfortably. Seeing your love in distress you decide the best action is to just leave. Let them have their happiness.. You think as you get up and walk out of the main room in the tour bus practically running towards your bunk.

"What was that about?" You hear Dave ask.

"Nothing." Chester answers quickly.

"Ok..so what is it that you were going to tell us?" Joe pipes up, anxious to get back to his game.

"Oh that..." Mike says.

"Well....we're...Mike and I..we're...together." Chester finally says.

"What?! As in together together? Couple together?" Joe practically shrieks temporarily forgetting his precious game of Halo.

"Umm..yes." Mike says, "I hope that you dont' have a problem with it?"

"I..I guess not, I mean as long as your happy?" Rob says quietly.

"Oh yes! We're very much happy." Chester says, you hear the smile in his voice.

"Yeah..we're both very happy." Mike says joyously. Maybe they're both better off together...maybe Mike was right...Maybe I was just a childlike crush.. you think as the tears make their way down your face.

"Well in that case, I support you both in your decision and wish you both the best of luck" Dave says.

"Yeah, same here." Joe agrees. And with that being said everyone disperces and carries on as they were leaving you to wallow in your depression.

I don't wanna know it's over

So save your goodbye kiss

I don't wanna know it's over

Cause ignorance is bliss

I can hardly see

What's in front of me

Cause the vodka's running on empty

I can't stay sober

If it's over

Angrily you slam the door shut. The vodka's gone. All of it. You scream for the bus driver to stop as you see a liquor store. As the tires squeal to a stop you jump out of the bus before its stationary. You stumble and almost fall, but you catch your balance. Staggering you run towards the door, hearing your bandmates yell after you. Shaking your head angrily you ignore them crashing through the stores doors. Immediatly you call for the employee to get you three bottles of the strongest vodka that they've got. Nodding the employee does as he is told. At the checkout he politly asks for ID, you flash him your drivers licence. With that you hand him a $100 dollar bill, telling him to keep the change.

(I don't wanna know)

(I don't wanna know)

(I don't wanna know)

So save your goodbye kiss

(I don't wanna know)

(I don't wanna know)

(I don't wanna know)

"Brad.." a voice interrupts your drunken peace. You choose to ignore it, "Brad.." the voice persists. Again, you choose to ignore it.

"Bradford Delson!" Angrily you flip over.

"Finally.."

"Well you know what they say, three times the charm." You retort hotly. You feel a twinge of guilt as you look into the eyes of your lost love and see the pain that your harshness has caused. The guilt is soon washed over as you take a gulp of your depleting alcohol.

"Brad, I'm worried about you. Really. Why have you been drinking so much? Is something wrong, you know you can talk to me right?" Mike says.

"Mike, Mike Mike. Nothing is wrong. I'm fine. Now leave me alone." You know that you sound cold, but you do not care. Mike's naive words have hurt you deeply.

"Bra--"

"FUCK OFF!!" You scream, lashing out. You push Mike off of your bunk and yank the privacy curtain shut.

"Fucking pussy..." You whisper as you take yet another gulp of your heaven, you pass out cold.

I woke up with a heartbeat in my head

I reached for the bottle by the bed

I saw your side was not slept in

Cold sheets again

Remind me of what you said

Groaning you hold your head as you feel your hangover taking over you.

"Fuck.." you grumble as you stumble out of your bunk, staggering to the front of the bus not so silently. Hearing your upset bandmates you quickly, and not gracefully rush towards the liquor cabinet.

"Ahh..much better." You whisper as you take a drink of the vodka. Smiling slightly you get up and stumble back to the couches in the main room. Flopping down you lay your head back as you enjoy the feel of the drink slipping past your teeth, tongue and finally sliding down your throat. You take yet another drink.

"What is he fucking doing?!" You hear Chester shout irratated that you've woken him up.

"Drinking..again." Mike answers as he stares at you shaking his head in disappointment. Angered you flip him off and turn away.

We need to take a break for a while

It's been so long since I smiled

I don't wanna listen now

Live this day down

With you so drunk and high

So I'll say goodbye

"Brad..this is why I broke it off with you. You realize this right?" Mike whispers weakly. You pretend to have not heard as you feel a pang in your heart. Taking another drink you start crying silently.

I don't wanna know it's over

So save your goodbye kiss

I don't want to know it's over

Cause ignorance is bliss

Slowly you push yourself up off the couch and begin making your way to the bathroom. Once there you stare at yourself in the mirror. You loathe the person staring back at you.

Your tears blur your vision.

I can hardly see

What's in front of me

Cause the vodka's running on empty

I can't stay sober

If it's over

"Guys..we need to talk."

"About what Mike?"

"Brad.."

You hear their voices but pretend not to hear.

"Ok..but can it wait? We've got a show to put on.."

"Yeah.."

Shaking your head you get off your bunk, marching out where they are you glare at them and walk out of the tour bus.

I don't wanna know it's over

So save your goodbye kiss

Laughing insanely you stumble out of the club drunk. Not that its a bit out of the ordinary, you drowning your sorrows by drinking them away. Tonight was particularly bad. The guys, Chester, Rob, Joe, Dave, more importantly, Mike have all yelled at you for 'ruining the show'. Including your manager Bob. Thinking about the conversations from earlier you punch a wall angrily.

"Its not my fuckin' fault!" You scream outloud.

I don't wanna know it's over

Cause ignorance is bliss

"Mikey, why'd you leave me?" you whimper as you slam down another shot.

You call for another earning a look from the bartender. You glare at him angrily. Shaking his head sadly the bartender thinks, Another alcoholic. As if hearing the his thoughts, Brad angers even further. Beginning to shake he feels someones hand on his shoulder. Flipping he sees Chester with a concerned look upon his features. Feeling an all consuming rage he lashes out, punching the man as hard as physically possible. Shock written across his face Chester touches his split and bleeding lip staring at you in disbelief.

Narrowing your eyes you get off the barstool. Well try to, but in your drunken state it proves almost impossible. Finally staggering to your feet you stumble out of the bar and out into the streets. Once in the parking lot you being to cry.

Now I know I can't stay sober

Cause you left me here like this

You find yourself staring at yourself in the mirror. Rage filled you slam your fist into the image;shattering it. Feeling a hot burning in your hand you look down. Seeing the blood trickling from the cuts you become mezmerized. Suddenly an idea enters your head. Smiling slightly you reach for a piece of broken glass. Feeling the strangely comforting weight in your hands you calmly look at your left arm. Angered at how pale it is, you begin slashing insanely.

Minutes later with almost countless cuts, some deep some shallow you fall to the floor. Leaning your head back on your shoulders you reach for the bottle that is almost always with you, your newest best friend. Your only friend.

Shaking your head almost happily you take a drink. Wincing at the sting in your arms you look down and see all the dried blood, and some cuts still weeping. Sadly you wonder how you've come to this, and you wonder why noone has heard? Surely you've made quite a racket. Maybe they just don't care..

I don't wanna know

(I don't wanna know)

(I don't wanna know)

(I don't wanna know)

So save your goodbye kiss

Another hotel. Another room. Another night alone. You feel isolated from everyone. Nolonger fun to be around, your "friends" have diserted you leaving you in your misery. But you no longer care. You have your drink. You have your razors. Those are the only friends you need. You try to convince yourself of this fact everyday. And everyday it becomes a little easier to believe. After all, noones there to prove you wrong.

(I don't wanna know)

(I don't wanna know)

(I don't wanna know)

Cause ignorance is bliss

Sighing you lower yourself into the hot bath. Thinking of all the good times you used to have. Thinking of the good time that your friends are having as you sit here all alone. Most of all..you think of Mike. They're getting married you know, Mike and Chester. Nine months its been. Nine months of absolute torture for you, and nine months if bliss for them. Another tear makes its trail down your cheek. Angrily you wipe it away, but to no avail more follow the first.

You swallow the rest of the bottle. The last bottle that you'll ever drink.

You grab your razor, dragging it across your wrists. Frantically you cut deeper and deeper. Faster and faster. Feeling your body weaken, your mind whirls. Remembering. Remembering. Always remembering.

Sighing you take your last breathe, you see your last image. Mike's face swims in your minds eye.

And you're gone.

I can hardly see

What's in front of me

Cause the vodka's running on empty

I can't stay sober

If it's over

If it's over

I don't wanna know

If it's over

If it's over

I don't wanna know

END

****

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I'll try updating

Nobody's listening ASAP

ttyl

luvyaz

~Bitty~

lyrics:

Bliss(I don't wanna know) By Hinder