I start the countdown in my head.

10

I grip the rope a little tighter.

9

My breathing quickens.

8

My heart pounds louder.

7

I shift my feet on the chair.

6

Tears sting my eyes.

5

I take a deep breath.

4

I bite down on my lower lip.

3

"MIKE!!!" he screams.

I shake my head. I can't listen to him.

2

I step closer to the edge of the chair.

"NO, MIKE!!! DON'T!!!!"

1

I open my eyes and see him in front of the bay window on the other side of my room.

I lift one foot off of the chair.

"Mike, Mike please." he whimpers.

One tear slides down my cheek as I use my foot to kick the chair out from under me.

But he's too fast. He catches me before the noose can do its job.

"Dammit, Chester!" I say, tears streaking down my cheeks.

He pulls the rope from around my neck and crushes me to his chest.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he cries.

I can't answer, I'm freaked, I'm freaking out.

"Mike, are you okay?"

"I-I-I don't know."

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

I can't answer.

"Mike, You could have talked to me, I'm your best friend!"

"No, no, I couldn't of."

"What? Why not?"

"Because I love you."

"W- I love you too."

"No," I say looking into his dark brown eyes. "I'm in love with you, Chester."."

"Mik-"

"No, no, I know 'You're a guy, Mike. I'm a guy, it'd never work. I'm not gay. Your just my friend.' I've heard it all before, so if you'd please just let me finish what I started."

I try to get up, but he keeps me to his chest. He tightens his arms around me and says, "Mike, you have no idea, no idea, how happy I am that you said that."

"NO! DON'T LIE TO ME!" I scream, not wanting to hear it.

"I'm not lying! I'm not, I swear."

I clench my eyes closed, tears threatening to fall.

"Mike, I'd never lie to you, you know that."

I do, I do know. But there was no way he could be happy about me loving him. Why would he be?

"Chester,..." I don't how to finish that sentence, I just want to say his name.

He looks deep into my eyes. Before I can form a coherent thought, he pulls our lips together.

"Mike," he says as he pulled us apart. "I love you too."

Tears fill my eyes,"Chester...-"

"No, let me finish." he takes a breath, "I've always been told that I was morally wrong for being gay-"He catches a glimpse of my face, which is probably some form of shock. He's gay? "-and I never understood why. But then I met you and we became friends. But it always felt like more, like we had something more." he pauses, "Remember back when you ran away and came to my house after your dad beat you the first time?"

I nod, how could I forget? That was the worst night of my life.

"That's when I realized I loved you. Love you. I realized how much it would hurt me to lose you." He laughs a little and pulls me closer burying his face in my hair. "All I wanted to do was hold you close and never let you go. Which I did, for the night anyway." he sighs and sounds slightly frustrated. "Damn, I need a cigarette." he pats his pockets. "Damn! I left my pack at home."

"Don't change the subject." I whisper.

"Oops, sorry." he whispers, and I laugh, my suicide attempt momentarily forgotten. He's so ditzy.

Before we can get back on subject, the door slams closed, and I stiffen. Like I do every time the door slams. Because it signals that my dad is home.

My father, Leslie Shinoda, is a very,very, bad man. He beats me, as stated before, and when he doesn't beat me, he all but neglects me. He doesn't cook or clean, I have to do that for myself. Hell, why am I saying that? I cook for him. I'm not allowed to eat. That was taken away from me when I was little, because I didn't finish my fucking peas. If I want to eat, I basically have to steal it from him, which earns me a beating, or I have to sneak over to Chester's, which also earns me a beating.

Chester knows all about this, and he's begged me countless times to go live with him and his parents. But he doesn't realize how fucking scared I am, because if I did, and Dad ever found me... He would literally kill me. Literally.

I only wish I were joking.

Just one more year, one more year and I can get out f here. I turn eighteen next February, and it's March now. Chester is already eighteen, but he failed seventh grade, putting him in the same grade as me and our other friends. (Brad Delson, Joe Hahn, Rob Bourdon, and David [Phoenix] Farrell) I constantly ask him why he doesn't leave this fucking hell hole, and everytime he says "And leave my Mikey Wikey? No way!"

Chester must feel me stifen, because he tightens his arms around me and whispers,"S'okay, Mikey. I'ts okay."

But it'n not. Nothing is ever okay where my dad is involved.

I listen carefully downstairs, tryong to decipher what he's doing.

Refrigerator door opens, closes. Beer top is popped off, TV is turned on, some stupid sporting thing is on. Same thing every day.

"Can I look at some of your lyrics?" Chester suddenly asks.

"Why?" He always likes reading my lyrics, but I don't know why. They aren't very good.

"Why not?"

"Sure. Whatever." I sigh, scrambling up off the floor and walking to the night stand and pull out my hard back, light gray lyric book. The front is embossed with a black skull on top of a silver nautical star. I hand the book to Chester and he reads a few pages. I sit down beside him, waiting for the criticism.

"What's the name of this one?" he asks,pointing to one of the pages.

I read through the lyrics and say. "Papercut."

"Why Papercut? It doesn't say anything about papercuts. See," he begins to read the lyrics aloud.

Why does it feel like night today?

Something in here's not right today.

Why am I so uptight today?

Paranoia's all I got left

I don't know what stressed me first

Or how the pressure was fed

But I know just what it feels like

To have a voice in the back of my head

Like a face that I hold inside

A face that awakes when I close my eyes

A face watches every time I lie

A face that laughs every time I fall

(And watches everything)

So I know that when it's time to sink or swim

That the face inside is hearing me

Right beneath my skin

It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back

It's like a whirlwind inside of my head

It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within

It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin

I know I've got a face in me

Points out all my mistakes to me

You've got a face on the inside too and

Your paranoia's probably worse

I don't know what set me off first

But I know what I can't stand

Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is

I can't add up to what you can but

Everybody has a face that they hold inside

A face that awakes when I close my eyes

A face watches every time they lie

A face that laughs every time they fall

(And watches everything)

So you know that when it's time to sink or swim

That the face inside is watching you too

Right inside your skin

It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back

It's like a whirlwind inside of my head

It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within

It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin

It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back

It's like a whirlwind inside of my head

It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within

It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin

The face inside is right beneath your skin

The face inside is right beneath your skin

The face inside is right beneath your skin

The sun goes down

I feel the light betray me

The sun goes down

I feel the light betray me

The sun

I feel the light betray me

The sun

I feel the light betray me

It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back

It's like a whirlwind inside of my head

It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within

It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin

It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back

It's like a whirlwind inside of my head

It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within

It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within

It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within

It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin

When he finishes I say, "It's called Papercut because... Because all it would take is a papercut to reveal the face within."

A look of comprehension covers his face and his mouth forms a silent 'O'. He turns his head back down to the book, "It's really good."

"No it's not."

"Yeah. It is." he says, looking up at me again. "It's really good."

I silently thank him, still not believing the words. I know it's not good. How could it be? It came from me.

"What about this one?"

I look over his shoulder and read a few lines, "In the End-" and before I can say anything else, Chester begins to sing the lyrics to me. Not just say them aloud, but sing.

[It starts with]

One thing, I don't know why

It doesn't even matter how hard you try

Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme

To explain in due time

All I know, time is a valuable thing

Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings

Watch it count down to the end of the day

The clock ticks life away

It's so unreal, didn't look out below

Watch the time go right out the window

Trying to hold on but didn't even know

Wasted it all just to watch you go

I kept everything inside and even though I tried it all fell apart

What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when

I tried so hard

And got so far

But in the end

It doesn't even matter

I had to fall

To lose it all

But in the end

It doesn't even matter

One thing, I don't know why

Doesn't even matter how hard you try

Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme

To remind myself how I tried so hard

Despite of the way you were mocking me

Acting like I was part of your property

Remembering all the times you fought with me

I'm surprised it got so far

Things aren't the way they were before

You wouldn't even recognize me anymore

Not that you knew me back then

But it all comes back to me in the end

You kept everything inside and even though I tried it all fell apart

What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when

I tried so hard

And got so far

But in the end

It doesn't even matter

I had to fall

To lose it all

But in the end

It doesn't even matter

I put my trust in you

Pushed as far as I can go

And for all this

There's only one thing you should know

I put my trust in you

Pushed as far as I can go

And for all this

There's only one thing you should know

I tried so hard

And got so far

But in the end

It doesn't even matter

I had to fall

To lose it all

But in the end

It doesn't even matter

"I like this one," he says quietly when he finishes.

I stare at him in awe.

"What?" he asks sel-conciously.

"That was beautiful."

"Hey, they're your words. I just put a melody to them."

"Yeah, but it was amazing Chaz. You should sing more often."

He looks down and mumbles a 'whatever' as a blush rises in his cheeks.

I crawl over beside him and take his chin in my hand, "Chaz, listen to me. Seriously, listen to me. Are you listening?"

"Yes," he whispers.

"You have a beautiful, amazing voice, believe me on this, okay?"

"Okay," he whispers, biting his lip.

I stare into his dark brown eyes for a while, contemplating what to say next, but-like before-he doesn't give me a chance to think, he just pulls our lips together. My eyes widen slightly with surprise, but quickly close as I give into the kiss. Just as I was about deepen the kiss further, the door crashes open, followed by my father drunkenly stumbling in.

I stare at Chester in horror, our lips still connected.

"What the fuck is going on?" my father yells.

Before either of us can answer, he fists a hand in my hair and pulls me off the bed. I yelp in pain as involuntary tears fill my eyes.

"Are you a fag now?"

"N-no-ahh!" he clenches his fist tighter in my hair.

"You are, aren't you? That's fucking great. As if you weren't already a disappointment..." he turns his glare to Chester, "And you-"

"Leave him out of it!-" I'm cut off by my own cry of pain as he pulls my head back, hard.

"Don't you tell me what to do!" his other fist crashes into my stomach, sending me to the floor.

"Mike!" Chester cries, rising off the bed.

"Don't fucking move!"

Chester freezes. My father pulls me up by my hair and pushes me into the wall, the impact sending books and CDs off the shelves. His foot connects with my shin, making my knees buckle, but the hand in my hair keeps me elevated.

"Please-" Chester says, stepping forward.

"I said. DON'T FUCKING MOVE!" he chucks his beer bottle at Chester's head, who, thankfully, ducks. The bottle connects with the wall, shattering and sending shards of glass and amber liquid everywhere.

Chester grimaces as glass lands on the bare skin of his arms and neck. Dad's fist connects solidly with my cheek, then slams into my nose. The force of the blow sends my head into the wall, making me dizzy.

That's when Chester pounces. He slams into my dad, making him stumble and drop the grip on the back of my head. I clutch at it gratefully as my head throbs in pain. I turn to see Chester being slammed into the wall, sending more books to the ground. I stumble over the pain in my legs and try to pull Dad off of Chester. He jerks his elbow back, landing it right into my ribs and sending me to the floor. Chester tries to push Dad off of him, with no success. Dad punches at Chester, hitting him in the chest and stomach.

I clamber to my feet, "STOP! Don't hurt him!"

Dad let's go of Chester and turns to me, a sneer on his face. "Why? Do you love him?" I step back as he advances on me. "Do you? Do you want him to hold you tight and never let go? Huh? Do you?"

"Stop it!"

"Answer me!"

"YES! Okay, yes!"

He smiles slightly before pulling his arm back and punching me hard in the stomach. I double over as he rains punches and kicks down on me.

Chester manages to pull him off me as I collapse to the gound, unable to hold my own weight.

The last thing I hear before I fall into the black is, "You're gonna get what you desreve, bitch!"

And it wasn't my dad who said it.

Lyrics:

Papercut-Linkin Park

In the End-Linkin Park

Please R/R!!

<3 Callie Joe