A/N and disclaimer: Oh... geeze... I have NO idea where this little standalone came out of... I just started writing and writing, and POOF! ANGRY MIKE! Alrighty... this thing is a little sick and twisted... O.o;; so proceed with caution, dear readers. I own shit. Mmhmm. Oh, and the song at the end is (obviously) Part of Me by Linkin Park.. Durr.

_

It's wrong. I know it is. Lust is wrong, wanting is wrong.

But it's beyond that now. It's beyond my control. It's beyond what I thought was possible.

I'm trapped.

Trapped in my lustful thoughts, trapped in me. I can't stop now.

I need you. I want you. Every fiber of your very being...I crave it. I crave your touch, I crave your presence, I crave your love.

I crave you.

I want to tie you up and make you scream, make you bleed, make you suffer for all those hard-ons you unintentionally caused me that refused to go away. I want to fuck you like an animal, make you beg for mercy under my wrath.

Wrong? Yeah, it's wrong. Of course it is. Everything's wrong. It was wrong how we met. It was wrong to let you in the band. It was wrong that you already had a wife. It was wrong that I was engaged to someone I couldn't give two shits about. It was wrong to start fantasizing about what I couldn't have. It was wrong that I wanted you. It was wrong.

Everything is wrong.

But that can't stop me. That can't stop my thoughts about you. I fucking need you.

Like I said before, it's not even a choice anymore.

But... it's sinful. Sinful, so I punish myself. For each time that I think of you, I make a new scar on my body. For each time that I long to grasp your weak body and ravish you, I add a new cut to my collection. For each time that I wish to strap you down and sink my teeth into your flesh until I draw blood, I draw my own. Punishment. I deserve it.

And so here I am. A walking, talking, breathing ball of desire, with battle scars on every corner of my arms, my legs, my stomach. New wounds covering the old ones, and occasionally a dance of white lines tread through my skin.

Punishment? It's more than that. I'm trying to cut myself free of you. I can't have you lurking in my every thought. I can't stand to see your face every time I close my eyes. I get to focus on the pure pain I cause myself instead. The contrasting feeling of the cool blade against my hot skin, as I dig deep and manage to peek at the bloody mess that is me.

Me. I hate me. I hate walking in front of the mirror to see the man I've become. A lustful, ignorant man, who's only desire is far from his own reach. A man who goes to sleep at night, being taunted by your bitter mocking laughter.

Oh, how I long to stop that laughter. How I long to bind you down in leather restraints and lash you with a whip as you whimper my name. How I long to leave hot, red lines across your pale skin as I plunge myself into your darkness. We'll see who laughs then. We'll see who mocks who then.

It gets worse every day. It's swelling up, it's swallowing me. These thoughts about you are eating me up, making lusting after you my ultimate motive in life. Fuck it, you ARE my life. You're my reason for being, you're my reason for breathing, you're my reason for getting up in the morning. You're the reason I'm alive, Chester.

But what's the point of being alive when I so desperately want not to feel anything for you? What's the point if I'll never have you? What's the point if the only thing I can do is admire you from afar?

There is no point.

I guess I'll never make you scream after all. Because you're part of me. Part of me that's better off dead.

I wrote a song for you. The last song I'll ever write.

Part of me won't go away

Everyday reminded how much I hate it

Weighted against the consequences

Can't live without it so it's senseless

Wanna cut it out of my soul

And just live with a gaping hole

Take control of my life

And wash out all the burnt taste

I made the problems in the first place

Hang my head low cause it's part of me

You hardly see right next to the heart of me

Hurting me, the routine scar

New cuts cover where the old ones are

And I'm sick of this

I can't stand the sandpaper thoughts that grate on my sanity

I rather not even be then the man

that's staring in the mirror through me

Cut myself free willingly

Stop just what's killing me

Cut myself free willingly

Stop just what's killing me

Cut myself free willingly

Stop just what's killing me

Cut myself free willingly

Stop just what's killing me

I feel it everyday

I feel I made my way

I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside

Swallowing me

(freedom can be frightening if you've never felt it)

Once it's been dealt with you

feel like you've been touched by something angelic

And then melted down into a pool of peace

Cease to be the animal you used to be

Remove the broken parts you know were wrong

And feel the karma when the problem's all gone

And then you start to see another piece of yourself

that you can't let be

And that reason will last fight to free yourself

Take it to the depths of the bottom of the well

And now you know you can choose

to lose the part in your heart

Where your insides bruise

You can live if you're willing to

Put a stop to just what's killing you

Cut myself free willingly

Stop just what's killing me

Cut myself free willingly

Stop just what's killing me

Cut myself free willingly

Stop just what's killing me

Cut myself free willingly

Stop just what's killing me

I feel it everyday

I feel I made my way

I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside

Swallowing me

Alive in me, inside of me, a part of me screams away silently

This part of me won't go away, part of me won't go away

Everywhere I look around I see how everyone aught to be

Every time I see myself I see

there's always something wrong with me

I feel it everyday

I feel I made my way

I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside

Swallowing me

I feel it everyday

I feel I made my way

I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside

Swallowing me

I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside, swallowing me

I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside, swallowing me

___

A/N: Be a sport and tell me how much this sucked in a review. xD